Episode 420 - Tale of the Nighthawk, chapters 1-3

 Episode 420: Tale of the Nighthawk, chapters 1-3

Thank you, grossly out-of-place comedic school bell. You are a rock of normalcy in this madhouse.

Folks, it’s time for another The Batman fic. And we know what The Batman fics are all about right? That’s right, neckties and omelettes! Wait, they’re not? You meant that Batman’s usually in a The Batman fic? Well, I guess there’s Alfred and Dick, and someone called Bruce if you look really hard. But mostly there’s Jill. Who’s Jill you ask? Well, we’re not really sure. She might have a backstory and may have lost someone or another (really, we’re not sure), but what we do know is that she has a phone and she likes to text. So buckle in while we take a plane, ride in a limo and eventually go to school in the non-stop, action packed epic that is The Tale of the Nighthawk.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 419 - Storm Force: Operation Mole Machine, parts 1-4

 Episode 419: Storm Force: Operation Mole Machine, parts 1-4

Due to a Mole Machine incident at Leicester Square station, delays are expected on the Piccadilly Circus line.

Did you know that Spider Bites cause mental breakdowns? Or that Harrow Lane has a new sports centre? Or that after losing his arm in combat, John Storm was fitted with a prosthesis that can support a variety of weapons? All of which means it’s time for another thrilling chunk of Storm Force, featuring our favourite bunch of substitute heroes as they fight to save their dying comic from cancellation. And in this exciting sequence of panels, Storm Force’s mole machine has been stolen by one of their team for reasons unknown. Can they find out why? Can they stop the machine’s deadly rampage? Will Storm resist the urge to fire into crowds of civilians? Will Stiletto be effortlessly captured? The answer to one of these will surprise you, but only one. So get oiled up and lift some weights for Operation Mole Machine!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Matt Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 418 - Hatred Versus Love, chapters 21-45

 Episode 418: Hatred Versus Love, chapters 21-45

Seriously, the fic has just taken a hard-left swing into what; plunged off the rickety bridge of sanity and is crashing into the wide gorge of terror below.

In this portion of Hatred versus Love, Faith Sky Sakai blows up at one of the turtles for breaking one of her many personal rules that she never explained to them. She then runs off on her own and gets captured. Everyone has to then come to save her, but she could have effortlessly escaped with the new superpower she just developed. Everyone then gushes at her, which ends with her and Raph going off for some nookie. And then we repeat this exact process about six dozen times until the fic gets bored and wanders off. So roll your eyes and put on some Sonny and Cher for the next chunk of Hatred versus Love. Now with even more dropped plots!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 417 - Hatred Versus Love, chapters 1-20

 Episode 417: Hatred Versus Love, chapters 1-20

Careful, your wangst is showing.

Life is hard for Faith Sky Sakai. Not only is she a magical shapeshifter ninja warrior who has incredible healing powers, but she also has a one-dimensional prop boyfriend who unquestionably supports her in everything she does. I mean, you have no idea of how tough it is for her. And such a tough life it is too, what with constantly blowing up at those who care for her for not following some unwritten rule, then running off to get kidnapped only to develop new superpowers to effortlessly save the day. What’s a girl meant to do, besides make out with a hunky turtle, right? So grab your chains and your stinkbug and immediately drop plot points for the first part of Hatred Versus Love.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 416 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 6-11

Episode 416: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 6-11

He describes foreplay in the same way he describes Gundam fights. Make of this what you will

Warning: Contains explicit sex

Now that you have that ominously hanging over you it’s time for the final portion of Gundam Resistance. In this portion, designated nice guy Artemis Knight blows stuff up with his Gundam and talks down to his prop girlfriend. How is this any different to the rest of the fic so far? Well, um... actually, we’ll get back to you on that. On top of that, Divine kind of exists and maybe gets a line maybe, so I suppose you could also take that as well. Plus there’s something about a singularity event threatening to destroy humanity, but hey! More boring overpowered Gundam specs! That’s what you’re really reading this fic for, right? So grab your favourite Mobile Suit and your hivemind clones for the last portion of Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance. Still Zabanya-free! (Sorry Kale).

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 415 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 4-5

Episode 415: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 4-5

I came here as your friend and the ship’s counsellor. As your friend, I’m happy you’re seeing her side of things. And as ship’s counsellor, you owe me fifty spacebucks.

As Gundam Resistance continues we, the readers are faced with two major questions: who is Divine Divinity and why do we care? Well in this next part, the former is loosely answered and as for the second, well, you’re on your own there because really, we have nothing. And in fact, he’s pretty irrelevant to the fic as a whole which kind of makes you wonder why he’s even there. Meanwhile, Artemis learns a valuable life lesson in that the best way to apologise for being a patronising, controlling jerk is through gratuitous emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping. But that’s all okay, because he’s really a nice guy. Just ask him. So tip your GN Fedora for the next portion of Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance. Now with less waterproof paint!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 414 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 1-3

Episode 414: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 1-3

‘This mobile suit is my greatest achievement,’ he told his son standing right next to him.

Under the grim dystopian cyberpunk metropolis of Neo-Auckland a secretive organisation toils away to build the ultimate weapon in their fight against the oppressive global regime. And then they get wiped out in a single chapter so our stock designated protagonist Artemis Knight can get a generic tragic backstory and a cool robot. And having seen everything he knows and cares about destroyed before his eyes, our hero immediately forgets about them and flies off to join some bunch of strangers that he’s never actually met before? Will they accept this outsider into their ranks despite their own secretive agenda? Of course they will. Was there any doubt, really?

Now with waterproof paint!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 413 - Escapism, chapters 9-14

Episode 413: Escapism, chapters 9-14

Good on ya evil Synth infiltrator who’s an agency of a shadowy organisation that thrives on seeding discord and keeping the surface world divided.

When you live in a world where the threat of somebody you know and love being replaced with a soleless robot killing machine is very real there are a number of things you can do to protect yourself. Clearly one of them is to let a creepy robot girl and her two alien robot buddies walk right on in and see your boss because nothing at all could go wrong with that plan at all. And if you’ve wrapped your mind around that then you’re probably ready for the next part of this bizarre semblance of fiction in which we learn that dangerous drugs might just be dangerous and that the best way to get inside a fortified city is to ask nicely. Throw in some entry-level transhumanism and you’re good to go!

Also there might be some Transformers in this Transformers crossover. Might.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 412 - Escapism, chapters 1-8

Episode 412: Escapism, chapters 1-8

Don’t worry, my interest in organic meat units is purely scientific.

When you’re lost in a strange and hostile wasteland with no idea of where you are and where everything is trying to kill you, there’s only one person that you can turn to. That’s right, a creepy robot girl who instantly solves every problem and sucks even the vaguest hint of a challenge out of the whole setting. And that’s exactly what happens when Jack, Raf and Miko get blown up and land in the Fallout universe for no reason whatsoever in what could be called a crossover if you squint hard. But in the meantime there’s some raiders and a debate over which bridge to use while going on a scavenger hunt and listing what everyone has in their inventory, so you can tell this fic is going to be a thrill a minute. So go spy on your neighbours and watch them sleep for the first portion of Escapism!

Oh, and also there are some Transformers here. Maybe.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 411 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 10-11

 Episode 411: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 10-11

Karaoke, barbeques and the term ‘United States of America’ did not survive the apocalypse. Unlike extensive knowledge of historical aircraft, the Top Gun beach volleyball scene, Star Trek jokes, Bourbon, Lion King musical numbers and comparing everything to Nazis

As the war against the Coalition reaches its peak, the Mad Dog Squadron decide to take a package trip to Japan. Huh? Yeah, it makes no sense, but then again we are reading a fanfic about wizards flying magical aeroplanes, so I suppose that’s not too much of a leap by comparison. In the meantime, Sake gets lessons in how to be a weaboo, Lance fails at cultural sensitivity, Spaz almost gets a line and we discover that bourbon is the key to resolving international incidents. So head down to your post-apocalyptic Karaoke bar for the final (but by no means conclusive) portion of Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron. Now featuring that one guy who’s totally been there all along.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 410 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapter 9

Episode 410: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapter 9

The fearsome warrior of the wastelands, Bob from Quality Assurance

Meet Bob. He’s a foul-mouthed alcoholic uncouth backwards hick, so the Mad Dog Squadron take an instant disliking to him probably because he’s so much like them that it actually hurts. Who is he and what does he do? Well it doesn’t really matter, because what this chapter’s really about is how Lance is even more of a creep then he’s seemed to be so far, which is no mean feat in and of itself. Plus on top of that we have the inevitable revenge scheme by the laughably ineffectual designated rival, who this time is armed with magical bullets that are actually less useful then regular bullets. So sit back and light up your smelliest cigar for more Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron. Or else Lance will wipe your brain.

No, really. I’m not joking about that part.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Evilness versus Effectiveness: A visual representation

The opening to Episode 409 featured one of our favourite types of sketches; one where we attempt to over-analyse the fanfics we read and apply some sort of strange logic to them. The 'evilness versus effectiveness' idea was an attempt to quantify something that logically couldn't be quantified, but of course, that wouldn't stop us anyway.

And while the opening sketch contained descriptions of the various charts, I thought that it would be fun to put them in a more visual form ti give a better idea of what we were talking about.

Episode 409 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapter 8

Episode 409: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapter 8

Does my skull-masked helmet look like it cares?

This newest chapter of Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron brings us something a tad different. Rather then being told from the point of view of an unlikeable, overbearing jackarse it’s instead it’s by an entirely different unlikeable, overbearing jackarse. See? Big change. So, meet Sugar. What do we know about him as a person? Nothing at all, and this chapter won’t change that one bit. Also it features the closest thing the fic’s had so far to  a sympathetic character (hint: not Sugar), dating tips for the single Robot Skull Nazi and some unfunny banter from the enlightened advanced alien, so take that how you may. Good fish!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 408 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 6-7

Episode 408: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 6-7

I’m just going to say that a band where the lead guitar’s head could literally explode on stage would be the most metal thing ever

What could go better with your magical wizard aeroplane fantasy then a big heaping of Holocaust imagery? That’s right, it’s another big dollop of joy from Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, a fic that is determined to be as awful as possible in as many ways as it can. And just to top that off, we also get a couple of major plot developments that are handled entirely off-screen in a massive expositional infodump as a nice bonus. So once again you can sit back and enjoy the band (as long as they don’t explode) as Lance absolves himself of any responsibility for all of the terrible things that are entirely his fault while refusing to do anything that might interfere in the metaplot. It’s what heroes do!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 407 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 4-5

Episode 407: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 4-5

I can’t think of anything more thrilling than an evil wizard’s financial management.

The concept of the Barbeque has not survived the apocalypse. However, historically accurate vintage aircraft, Nazi imagery and the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun has. Bear that in mind when you read your way through these next two chapters, because it’s still the least stupid part of the story. What we do have, however, is a plan that not only is incredibly stupid, but also relies on everyone else to be even stupider in order to work. Naturally this means it goes off flawlessly because Lance thought of it and he can never be wrong, even when he starts and then escalates a feud all the way up to people dying in his place. So snap your teeth and flick your towel for the next portion of Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron. Now with free bird seed!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 406 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 3-3b

Episode 406: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 3-3b

The wizard appeared as if by magic.

It’s time for more of the zany misogynist gatekeeping antics of the Mad Dog Squadron! In this chapter our whacky heroes crush a young girl’s dreams by telling her that she’s doing magical wizard aeroplanes wrong and that she should give up on idealism and all that she’s ever hoped for. But that’s fine because they’re the good guys and thus everything they do is entirely justified. And at the end of the day we learn a valuable lesson in that casual sexism is perfectly okay as long as you can beat somebody in a dogfight and that racist imagery isn't problematic as long as you use it ironically. So buckle in and cry yourself to sleep for the second portion of Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron. Now with tea!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 405 - Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 1-2

Episode 405: Chronicles of the Mad Dog Squadron, chapters 1-2

Look out, it’s a squad of invisible magic Nazi planes he said with an entirely straight face.

Magical wizard aeroplanes fight robot skull Nazis! Yes, I am saying that with an entirely straight face, so that can only mean one thing; another Rifts fanfic. And what a treat it is, as we’re introduced to Mad Dog Squadron, a force of utterly forgettable nobodies who are defined solely by what vintage aircraft they pilot and led by an utter creep who you’ll want to punch within seconds of meeting. So join this force of designated protagonists fight a war of incredibly boring one-sided battles in the name of preserving a sinister magocracy that’s in league with eldritch abominations while listing weapons calibres and drink ingredients. It’s a lot less exciting than it sounds!

(Also there may be a girl. Maybe. We’re not sure)

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 404 - Bubblegum Shift, chapter 5

Episode 404: Bubblegum Shift, chapter 5

Helping build a better murderbot for a brighter tomorrow

You’d think that when a key member of your secret conspiracy has lost their memory that the best thing to do would be to sit on them and make sure that nobody tries to take advantage of this development. So naturally, Rob and Kathy decide to let Jim “Nightfart” Williams run around on his own, take his helicopter gunship out for a spin and angrily ride his motorcycle off over the horizon with nary a concern. And yet, they both have the gall to be surprised when one of Jim’s many, many enemies essentially kidnaps him and effortlessly cons him into turning against them. Yes, it’s all that you’ve come to expect from this fic only with more rambling author manifestos. So get your best fake Tennessee accent and optional tiger for the final part of Bubblegum Shift. Note: not a conclusion at all.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year eight

With the conclusion of the eight year of Elmer Studios, we have now completely outlived the original incarnation, both in terms of lifespan in raw time and the episode count. Even allowing for side projects and collaborations, we now have more “modern” Elmer Studios episodes then “classic ones”. And as I type this, we likely have enough material to carry us through to a ninth year.

In this last year we completed twenty-one episodes (well, actually twenty, but Episode 404 is in final edit as I type this. As can be seen from previous years, this sort of pace has become the new normal for us; my goal of two episodes per month has sadly proven to be unrealistic for what is, in essence, a casual hobby project. However, we still did have a number of good episodes in that last year.

It also needs to be said that this last year was the victim of two massive reschedules that also threw off our planning. One of those was a fic that had already not only been entered into the schedule, but also begun work on the riffing; as such, removing it from the schedule changed a lot of other things around. One of the reshuffled fics is still to come; when you read it, you’ll begin to understand why it was moved.

Episode 403 - Bubblegum Shift, chapter 4

Episode 403: Bubblegum Shift, chapter 4

I see nothing that could go wrong with letting a heavily armed masked mercenary vigilante walk around our secret and highly illegal base

James “Darkwind” Williams, immortal shapeshifter, billionaire CEO, member of an ancient conspiracy and recreational helicopter gunship pilot has amnesia. Faced with this terrible development, people stand around and talk about it. And that’s it, really. That’s all that happens in this chapter. Still, we find out that DarkWind was ready to launch a full-scale war for control of MegaTokyo that would have destroyed the city because the good guy and that his secret arsenal of tanks was for purely peaceful purposes, and that’s something, I guess. Not like there’s much else going on, really. So plug into your proprietary charger and blab out all your deepest secrets for the next slab of Bubblegum Shift! It’s got a killer car, or something.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 402 - Bubblegum Shift, chapter 3

Episode 402: Bubblegum Shift, chapter 3

You’re an eccentric billionaire CEO. Taking your bike to the track for the weekend is perfectly normal. Hell, you can shoot it into space and be hailed as a genius.

The war between the two near identical shapeshifter conspiracies heats up as those guys send out killer robots to attack those other guys. And if that description seems rather vague and useless, then treasure it as it’s about as good a summary of the plot of this fic as I can actually manage. Having lost his giant office building in a robot attack, Jim moves in with Kathy so he can plot his next move from the comfort of her sofa. Does Kathy get a say in this? Probably not, but it’s not like she’s an actual person anyway, so who cares, right? Meanwhile, we vaguely allude to that one Bubblegum Crisis episode with the car (you know, that one) and have an awkward dinner date and some office politics in the name of slowly edging the plot along in this next chunk of Bubblegum Shift. Now with some guy called Bert!

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 401 - Bubblegum Shift, chapter 2

Episode 401: Bubblegum Shift, chapter 2

I mean, he could be illegally flying a heavily armed helicopter gunship around a major metropolis for purely benign reasons.

Given that this is a gripping action story of killer robots, high-tech vigilantes, immortal shapeshifter conspiracies and helicopter gunships, the next chapter of Bubblegum Shift is about exactly what you expect. That’s right, corporate land deals and the associated rezoning disputes. And if that doesn’t thrill you, then I suppose you could go with the idea of a gripping robot battle in which you have to ask why anyone built an office tower with extensive anti-missile defences and a self-destruct system, because to me that sounds like the work of a slightly unhinged mind. So take a seat at your hardwood desk with attendant minigun turrets for the next part of Bubblegum Shift for a thrilling round of saving Sho’s Mother’s life. Whatever her name is.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 400 - Bubblegum Shift, chapter 1

Episode 400: Bubblegum Shift, chapter 1

They’re here to kick arse and chew Bubblegum Crisis, and they’re all out of Bubblegum Crisis.

When two sinister immortal shapeshifter conspiracies go to war in the futuristic metropolis of Mega-Tokyo, it’s up to Jim ‘Darkwind’ Williams (yes, this really is his name) to try and make sure that the right sinister immortal shapeshifter conspiracy wins. To this end, he must move subtly and discretely, and by that I mean he’s going to fly around in a heavily armed helicopter gunship blowing stuff up. In the meantime, his partner Kathy is going to infiltrate an elite supertech police force with a threadbare cover for no apparent reason, but this is still all a part of his plan. All this plus killer robots and maybe some guys called the Knight Sabers and you have the first portion of Bubblegum Shift. It’s very nineties in a retro-eighties way!

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 399 - Fragments of Zero, chapter 8

Episode 399: Fragments of Zero, chapter 8

Besides which, we got our own nukes, with strippers and blackjack.


Having finally begun to get some semblance of motion, Fragments of Zero decides to drop the interstellar bug war in favour of having a beach episode, as one does. Naturally, this features about six dozen supporting characters each mugging each other for camera time as it becomes clear that the fic has no idea how to manage their cast and, potentially, no idea how big said cast actually is. Of course, it’s not all fun and games as Shigeru needs to push along a few vital plot points that would have occurred without him, but he has to make it all about him anyway. And while supporting OC #4691 actively fails at being a bodyguard and the evil transhumanist conspiracy remind us that they exist, the fic judders to a halt without answering one question: what is zero, and why do we have fragments of it?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 398 - Fragments of Zero, chapter 7

Episode 398: Fragments of Zero, chapter 7

Rule one, never get into hand to hand combat with something that has more arms than you.

After forty-eight chapters of prelude (and Shigeru being slappably smug) we finally get to the actual plot (and more of Shigeru being slappably smug). And as the obligatory concert is interrupted by the obligatory alien war bug attack, Shigeru gets to literally shoving the canon cast out of the fic. In the meantime, everyone talks about the fact that dances are a thing that exist and how it’s possible to drink a juice box in anger while they probably should actually be dealing with the aforementioned alien war bug attack instead of putting it off for somebody else to handle. But you know, priorities and all that. So grab your animated soda mascot and play a solo round of Hungry Hungry Hippos for the next portion of Fragments of Zero.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 397 - Fragments of Zero, chapters 3-6

Episode 397: Fragments of Zero, chapters 3-6

Ma’am, I’m just here to get paid, so... If you’d leave out the sinister innuendos, that would be swell.

In this next portion of Fragments of Zero, Shigeru is an obnoxious, overbearing jackarse and everybody talks him up. Meanwhile, his sister is utterly clueless and wastes precious text while everybody talks her up. On top of that, his mother is completely insane, but everybody talks her up no less. We’re also introduced to even more OCs who doubtless will have people talking them up as well in short order. If you’ve noticed a pattern forming here then you’ve probably begun to figure out how this fanfic works. Throw in some more completely unmemorable and indistinguishable minor videogame characters and possibly an alien bug attack and you’re all set for this chapter. (nondescript plot complicating disease not withstanding)

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.