Episode 509 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 9-14

Episode 509: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 9-14

So in short, I think we should change the name back to Columbia because raiders wiped out my hometown and I had sex with Zoey.

In this, the next set of alphanumeric characters that constitutes Fallout: United Carolina Republic, John shows up, issues arbitrary orders, effortlessly slaughters his inept opponents and is congratulated for it. But treachery is looming in the form of the return of his greatest enemy, Enclave John. Yes, that is the character's name. Please stop laughing. So as the narrative collapses in on itself get your ridiculously convenient excavator, your manky bear pelt and the tragic(?) death the fic has been threatening all along for the final chunks of Fallout: United Carolina Republic. But really, his name is Enclave John. We're not making that up.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 508 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 5-8

Episode 508: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 5-8

The symbol of the notorious raider gang, the poop shovel gun bears.

Warning: Contains explicit sex

John has sex with Zoey. This development is vitally important because it means that John had sex with his girlfriend Zoey who is his girlfriend because she loves him because they have sex. This deeply developed and emotionally compelling relationship forms the heart of this story. Just kidding. It’s mostly about John ordering a mass killing and everyone being okay with this. So get your newspaper headlines, your killer robots and hang out with Father and Son for the next four chapters of Fallout: United Carolina. No really, they never get any names beyond Father and Son and are constantly referred to as such throughout. You'd think somebody would have noticed by now.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 507 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 1-4

Episode 507: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 1-4

Besides, I’ve never shanked a Lizard Man before. It was kinda fun.

Meet John. He’s the president of the United Carolina Republic. Who is he, what does he do and what is this nation that he supposedly runs? Doesn’t matter at all. What does matter is listing everyone’s weapons and what modifications they have in detail, and boy does this fic have you covered. But if that’s not enough, you get to watch John meet people, hand out arbitrary orders and generally be stupid and have everyone agree with him which is just as thrilling as it sounds. So get your ported extended long calibrated sniper’s Pipe Bolt-Action Gun and cannibalise your neighbours for the first four chapters of Fallout: the United Carolina Republic. May or may not contain Radcoons.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 466 - A Stranger Named Six

Episode 466: A Stranger Named Six

Oh no! Not Surprisingly Chill Ninja! He was my favourite character!

Having ensured a better future for a reclusive billionaire techbro through nuking thousands of innocents, Courier Six is at something of a loss for what to do with his life. Fortunately, a chance encounter sends him hurtling across time, space and reality to another world where he finds the one thing he’s really been missing in his life; hot fox-girl booty. So enamoured is he with this idea that he immediately gets over his wangst about how life is a meaningless void of existential despair and hooks up with the group of obviously evil ninjas because they seem nice. So sit back, relax and have some pizza for A Stranger Named Six. You have to, it’s the rules.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 413 - Escapism, chapters 9-14

Episode 413: Escapism, chapters 9-14

Good on ya evil Synth infiltrator who’s an agency of a shadowy organisation that thrives on seeding discord and keeping the surface world divided.

When you live in a world where the threat of somebody you know and love being replaced with a soleless robot killing machine is very real there are a number of things you can do to protect yourself. Clearly one of them is to let a creepy robot girl and her two alien robot buddies walk right on in and see your boss because nothing at all could go wrong with that plan at all. And if you’ve wrapped your mind around that then you’re probably ready for the next part of this bizarre semblance of fiction in which we learn that dangerous drugs might just be dangerous and that the best way to get inside a fortified city is to ask nicely. Throw in some entry-level transhumanism and you’re good to go!

Also there might be some Transformers in this Transformers crossover. Might.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 412 - Escapism, chapters 1-8

Episode 412: Escapism, chapters 1-8

Don’t worry, my interest in organic meat units is purely scientific.

When you’re lost in a strange and hostile wasteland with no idea of where you are and where everything is trying to kill you, there’s only one person that you can turn to. That’s right, a creepy robot girl who instantly solves every problem and sucks even the vaguest hint of a challenge out of the whole setting. And that’s exactly what happens when Jack, Raf and Miko get blown up and land in the Fallout universe for no reason whatsoever in what could be called a crossover if you squint hard. But in the meantime there’s some raiders and a debate over which bridge to use while going on a scavenger hunt and listing what everyone has in their inventory, so you can tell this fic is going to be a thrill a minute. So go spy on your neighbours and watch them sleep for the first portion of Escapism!

Oh, and also there are some Transformers here. Maybe.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 388 - Fallout South Carolina

Episode 388: Fallout South Carolina

We are reading a fanfic where mind control smoothies are a key plot point. I cannot imagine that we have seen anything stupider, nor can I imagine that we ever will

Welcome to post-apocalyptic South Carolina, home of the almighty John. After his home was destroyed by raiders (a fact that he’ll remind you of every few minutes) he has set out to… wander aimlessly across the landscape, really. Mostly he goes around stumbling from one situation to the next, but that’s okay because everyone around him will basically go out of their way to reward him for simply existing. So what else is there in this fic? Um, that’s a good question, really. Mostly there’s stew, haggling for prices and various local mayors who own powerful firearms. So sit back and have a smoothie as you pretend to read Fallout South Carolina.

No really. Have a smoothie.

It’s the law.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 369 - War for the Wastes, chapters 6-12

Episode 369: War for the Wastes, chapters 6-12

Guy can’t go a week without getting shot in the head. It’s a real pest to him.

In this latest thrilling chunk of War for the Wastes, Steve counts the day’s takings, drinks soda, gets a prop girlfriend and buys a new house. Also there’s a huge war raging between the Axis of Stupid Evil and the Designated Good Guys, but that continues to remain the B-Plot to Steve’s amazingly unexciting unadventures. But all good things must come to an end, as does this fic, and so the two plot streams are less crossed as they vaguely bump into each other, give a mumbled apology and them move on. And so the fic doesn’t so much conclude or resolve anything in as far as it just stops dead in the stupidest (and yet most awesome) way possible. And for those of you who were wondering what Steve has to do with anything, your questions will be finally answered, and it will not shock you at all.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 368: War for the Wastes, chapters 1-5

Episode 368: War for the Wastes, chapters 1-5

An alliance of evil the likes of which has not been seen since the Laffalympics.

As you might expect from a fic titled War for the Wastes, there is indeed a war and it does indeed take place in the wastes. There’s plenty of fighting as the designated good guys do battle against the axis of stupid evil and their army of unicycle robots, but that’s actually the B-plot of this piece. Yes, despite the title, the main plot is once again about Steve engaging in such thrilling activities as checking into a hotel, eating breakfast and trying to figure out the difference between his chest and shoulder. (For Steve, that’s not easy). On top of that we have a shallow love interest girl who not only manages to be the best described person in the fic, but also has a backstory that is both nonsensical and irrelevant. So sit back with a plate of fried mystery meat and enjoy the strange writing priorities of War for the Wastes.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 367 - The Vault Dweller, chapters 5-9

Episode 367: The Vault Dweller, chapters 5-9

Yeah, but the truth is, being a Luddite is just plain exhausting. Who has time to oppose the inexorable march of progress these days?

When you are creating an antagonist group for your fanfic, there are a number of different approaches that you can take, some of which are better than others. Mashing together three pre-existing groups who have no connection to each other, no reason to be working together and mutually exclusive goals and philosophies is about the worst approach a fic could take. So naturally, that’s exactly what The Vault Dweller does, like you’re surprised or anything. At any rate, as the Axis of Not Nice set out to do stuff (not anything specific, just stuff), it’s up to Steve and the people who vaguely hang around him to stop them. Which they do by wandering aimlessly around the desert, ordering soft drinks, going to a casino and basically doing whatever inconsequential act comes to mind that has nothing to do with anything. So in short, Steve.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 366 - The Vault Dweller, chapters 1-4

Episode 366: The Vault Dweller, chapters 1-4

And with that, Darcy despawned, never to be seen again.

Meet Steve, an incredibly bland Vault Dweller. We don’t know much about him. We don’t know what he looks like. We don’t know anything about his personality. We don’t even know what his last name is. What we do know about him is that he is the protagonist of this fanfic (hint: check the title). So what does el Steve-o do to make him the hero of this tale? Well, mostly he stumbles around, annoys random NPCs, gets shot, falls down and plays second fiddle to some other guy who is about as well defined as he is. Sounds thrilling, doesn’t it? Don’t worry, there may be some semblance of a story going on here in the background if you squint hard enough. So if you know how guns work (bullets are involved) and find nuclear explosions to be a mild nuisance, then this is the fic for you!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 358 - Rise of the Settlements

Episode 358: Rise of the Settlements

Thank you, fic. I wouldn’t have been able to live without knowing what order they entered the tunnel in while still not having a clue as to what they look like or even who they are.

Four years (give or take some exposition) after some nameless protagonist blew up the Institute, the Commonwealth has become an irradiated wasteland where people scavenge for food to survive, hordes of feral ghouls lurk to prey on the unwary and horrible radiation storms tear up the landscape. And if this sounds just like Fallout does normally, then you’re beginning to see the key narrative flaws in Rise of the Settlements. Fortunately, it does introduce new elements into the world, such as complex trade arrangements, backstory infodumps, the idea that raiders take stuff and a girlfriend (no clue who’s girlfriend she is, just that she’s a girlfriend), all of which you can tell doubtless makes for a thrilling tale of post-apocalyptic survival. So join Blake, Josh, Alfie and/or Alpha and Bucky (who’s from the Pitt) as they stumble around in the darkness for tinned food in Rise of the Settlements (revised version).


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.