Episode 498 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 5-7

 Episode 498: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 5-7

I'm cheering for Filler Team A.

So far, Shining Jewels has given us an aggressively unlikeable protagonist, long lists of what parts everyone's Gundam is made from and demands to send OCs. That means it must be time for the tournament arc which is never completed because the fic is abandoned, and what do you know, the fic does (or doesn't) disappoint. And so as Mathias gets a creepy stalker who is still more likeable than he is, Adrian continues being an entity that exists and we all pretend to be impressed by the guy that we've never heard of before we bid a fond farewell to The Shining Jewels of America. And remember, it's not cheating if the entire system is set up to support the guy who does it.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 497 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 3-4

Episode 497: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 3-4

Were you having sex dreams about Full Frontal again?

Meet Mister and Mrs Winns. They're both veteran Gundam fighters who have built up an entertainment empire that exists entirely to benefit the pair of them. It means that they can sit back, relax and absolve themselves of all responsibly for their son being a toxic jackarse all the time. And so as they sip margaritas and foster Matthias' personal problems on a pair of complete strangers, we engage in yet another round of boring filler Gundam fights, because that's what this fic is really about. So once again it's time to get your overly long list of Gundam parts and tour recycled reader-submitted OC for another segment of Shining Jewels of America. Still 100% jewel-free, shining or otherwise

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 496 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 1-2

Episode 496: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 1-2

His Gundam hit her Gundam which punched his Gundam in the Gundam before she Gudamned his Gundam with a Gumdam Gundam bacon baked beans and Gundam.

Meet Mathias Winns. He's an aggressively unlikeable jerk who is actively hostile to the people around him, carries himself with a sense of perpetual entitlement, hates the idea of other people having fun and has an unhealthy relationship with his Gundam. That's right, it's another Gundam Build Fighters fic that keeps the proud (?) traditions of those that have come before it going. It’s a fic about a trio of people who less are a team and more are in a mutually loathsome arrangement that none of them are willing to leave, but that's okay because one of them is barely there anyway. So it's time to deliberately sabotage your teammates and wrestle an alligator* for the first part of The Shining Jewels of America.

*Sadly this does not happen

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 423 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 9-13

Episode 423: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 9-13

Flashback to Alex and his team, frolicking in a field, Gundam kits in hand.

Having escaped with their lives from the robot zombie army, Fayt and Rosa Fubuki are now stranded on their own far from help. Not only must they find their way to safety, but they also need to face the very real threat of the breach and the imminent collapse of all time, space and reality in on itself. The pair of them have to figure out how to stop this threat on their own, all while grappling with the ship’s diminishing soda supply and the real question of how the hell you are meant to actually use a hexagonal tablet anyway. Oh, and there’s also some guy called Alex who might be a Gundam Fighter, but really, who cares about him? So get your Vocaloid lyrics and leer at your stepsister’s friend’s mom for the last part of Build Fighters: Next – Kai. Now with some sort of tournament arc, maybe.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 422 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 5-8

Episode 422: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 5-8

We now join you with today’s chapter of ‘Fayt does nothing,’ in which much to the chagrin of his crew, Fayt does nothing.

Given a week to get to know his new family and bond with them as well as the opportunity to see more of Japan, Alex Leongard instead opts to write his fanfic, sexually harass his step-sister and spend his day at the mall because that’s the sort of awful person he is. Naturally his foster family bend over backward to accommodate him at every step because he’s the star of the fic. Meanwhile, the fic within a fic continues to be more interesting while having the ever so slight chance of a robot zombie apocalypse and possibly all of space and time collapsing in on itself, so I guess there is that. So put a warning sign on the bathroom door and brace yourselves for the endless mall sequence in the next part of Gundam Build Fighters: Next - Kai. There might even be a story if you squint.

PS: Please send OCs

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 421 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 1-4

 Episode 421: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 1-4

Nothing like the combination of exhaustion, depression, spraypaints and sharp implements

Meet Alex Leongard. Not only is he an amateur sportsman who’s good enough to turn pro, but he gets to go to Tokyo to live out an anime fantasy life, complete with a bevy of Manic Pixie Dream Girls who are falling over themselves to validate his hobbies and interests and be completely supportive of everything he does. So naturally he’s a whiny, self-indulgent little snot who spends all his time complaining about how unfair life is and having awkward conversations with bigfoot his dad. And if that’s not enough, we’re also reading a fanfic about people writing a fanfic, and I can’t think of anything more meta and less exciting than that. So bury your dreams and get a beta-reader for the first chunk of Build Fighters Next Kai. Features intense model purchasing action!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 416 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 6-11

Episode 416: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 6-11

He describes foreplay in the same way he describes Gundam fights. Make of this what you will

Warning: Contains explicit sex

Now that you have that ominously hanging over you it’s time for the final portion of Gundam Resistance. In this portion, designated nice guy Artemis Knight blows stuff up with his Gundam and talks down to his prop girlfriend. How is this any different to the rest of the fic so far? Well, um... actually, we’ll get back to you on that. On top of that, Divine kind of exists and maybe gets a line maybe, so I suppose you could also take that as well. Plus there’s something about a singularity event threatening to destroy humanity, but hey! More boring overpowered Gundam specs! That’s what you’re really reading this fic for, right? So grab your favourite Mobile Suit and your hivemind clones for the last portion of Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance. Still Zabanya-free! (Sorry Kale).

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 415 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 4-5

Episode 415: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 4-5

I came here as your friend and the ship’s counsellor. As your friend, I’m happy you’re seeing her side of things. And as ship’s counsellor, you owe me fifty spacebucks.

As Gundam Resistance continues we, the readers are faced with two major questions: who is Divine Divinity and why do we care? Well in this next part, the former is loosely answered and as for the second, well, you’re on your own there because really, we have nothing. And in fact, he’s pretty irrelevant to the fic as a whole which kind of makes you wonder why he’s even there. Meanwhile, Artemis learns a valuable life lesson in that the best way to apologise for being a patronising, controlling jerk is through gratuitous emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping. But that’s all okay, because he’s really a nice guy. Just ask him. So tip your GN Fedora for the next portion of Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance. Now with less waterproof paint!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 414 - Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 1-3

Episode 414: Mobile Suit Gundam 00: Resistance, chapters 1-3

‘This mobile suit is my greatest achievement,’ he told his son standing right next to him.

Under the grim dystopian cyberpunk metropolis of Neo-Auckland a secretive organisation toils away to build the ultimate weapon in their fight against the oppressive global regime. And then they get wiped out in a single chapter so our stock designated protagonist Artemis Knight can get a generic tragic backstory and a cool robot. And having seen everything he knows and cares about destroyed before his eyes, our hero immediately forgets about them and flies off to join some bunch of strangers that he’s never actually met before? Will they accept this outsider into their ranks despite their own secretive agenda? Of course they will. Was there any doubt, really?

Now with waterproof paint!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 374 - GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 6-13

Episode 374: GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 6-13

Not now, mom. My arch-nemesis is watching.

There are a number of ways you could build a team for a contest. Getting all the potential candidates to beat each other up and then decide that the last four people standing are it is probably not the best of them, but it’s what this fic has decided to go for (and hey, it worked for Storm Force). So after a dozen or so chapters of dancing robots, Allen failing at everything he does, nameless Loto pilot and the Sonic the Hedgehog Gundam being even dumber then you expected, we’re left with the team of Unlikeable Designated Protagonist, Ineffectual Brother, YouTube Celebrity and That Other Guy. And then, having spent forever setting itself up, Old Wars Waged Anew suddenly stops without even having any old wars, let alone waging them anew. What does this mean? Not a lot, really.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 373 - GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 1-5

Episode 373: GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 1-5

Get in, loser. We’re going Gundam Fighting.

When you have a completely unlikeable lead character who exists only to squeeze any hint of joy out of his chosen hobby while running roughshod over anyone around him, it can only mean one thing. That’s right, it’s time for another Build Fighters fanfic. But this time we’re taking a break from the usual lists of what parts everybody’s Gundam is made out of and how much Trans-Am they can do to bring in something new; that’s right it’s a crossover in the one case where you wonder if it would actually be a crossover to begin with. It’s something to ponder as you fight all the Gundam fans in Canada (all three of them), get your creepy DeviantArt OC (Do not steal) and your favourite obscure Cold War jet fighter while being abandoned at the airport for Old Wars Waged Anew.

PS: Please send characters

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 344 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

Episode 344: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

She believes in the beliefs that she believes in.

When an evil space villain calls you up to challenge you to a battle for control of the world, you know that you can trust them and believe every word that they say. I mean, it’s not like a bad guy who has kidnapped people, brainwashed them, forced them to fight against their will and threatened world peace would do anything bad or dishonest, right? But even in the off-chance that something does go wrong, you can always blow yourself up and ditch any hint of responsibility and yet be assured that everything will work out well. Yes, that’s the lessons learned from the more or less conclusion to Gundam Wing Crisis, in which Mister Bear’s army of badness fights the good guys for stuff and reasons. I got nothing beyond that, sorry.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 343 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

Episode 343: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

She wanted to be good of being better so that better good she could be at good better getting.

War looms, mass disappearances are causing panic, terrorists are delivering ultimatums, prominent politicians are being assassinated and evil villains are going out on incredibly awkward lunch dates. In response to this unprecedented crisis, the world’s most powerful peacekeeping force go to the circus to throw unsuspecting VIPs across the room and eat disgusting overpriced corn dogs. But this isn’t the only brilliant strategy employed by the Gundam Gang; it also extends to such amazing plans as “kill the bad guys” and “don’t die”. But yet, even in the face of this unconventional wisdom, the KioDawn Alliance (the only terrorist ideology based around a teddy bear) remains a threat. Why? We don’t know. But the fic insists they are anyway. It’s like that.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 342 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

Episode 342: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

So far we know more about the teddy bear than we do about our arch-villain.

In the face of kindappings, brainwashings, massive terrorist organisations, random attacks and tacky overpriced jewelry the Gundam Pilots elect to respond to this growing crisis by sitting around and doing nothing. Despite this rather questionable plan of (in)action, they are still successful in thwarting the efforts of the Kiyoshi-DawnChan Alliance, an evil organization named for a child’s toy. However, when terror strikes, our heroes respond in a decisive manner by going to a karaoke bar, playing video games and meeting minor diplomatic functionaries. However, despite this, the evil terror group will not rest until they have achieved their goal of making one teenage girl sad. That’s right, it’s all about the ideology here in Gundam Wing Crisis, so grab a teddy bear and a generic tragic flashback and enjoy the ride!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 341 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

Episode 341: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

We interrupt your lack of progress to report that there's a lack of progress.

When you’re an evil organization bent on doing evil things, kidnapping a powerful and highly influential political figure would seem to be a good plan. However, when you then brainwash them into acting like a spazzy kid and use them in a way that doesn’t even begin to utilize their aforementioned skills, then maybe, just maybe you have a problem. However, the Kioshi DawnChan Alliance has plenty of other problems to deal with, not the least of which is how dumb its name sounds. But they are not going to let that, an angry boyfriend, a support group or overpriced tacky jewelry keep them from their poorly defined goals of doing bad stuff. So grab your Mobile Suit and get ready for some really intense Hide and Seek in the first portion of Gundam Wing Crisis. It’s got beefy bits!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 317 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 7-10

Episode 317: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 7-10

I know you're lying and that this kit was made by my dead twin brother because my one-dimensional prop girlfriend told me so.

Having run out of Gundams to beat up, Kale decides instead to beat up plastic toy robots from other shows instead. His team reacts to this decision in the most basic and obvious of ways that would come naturally in such a situation: they run around making strange noises, force comparisons to episodes of Gundam 00, wonder about Kale’s pre-pubescent brother and if he’s getting his rocks off (ewww) and find new ways to humiliate Darren. Throw in a trip to the biggest Gundam convention in all of Maryland (with attendance figures in excess of three) and the return of Kale’s infinitely more interesting evil twin brother (goatee optional) and you have the non-definite un-conclusion to this replacement fic for a replacement fic for a show about the fandom of a show! Eargblergh!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 314 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 5-6

Episode 314: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 5-6

Mine is a cross between a Bogmips Wimple and a Magenta Zonedweebie, with the Zorkblonker Floonburper and a full set of QQ Wompnurgles, which allows it to go fully Gronknuts with its Turgledome Squarkblork.

Not content with being the most miserable human being on the face of the planet, Kale Cassel heads to Gundam Junior Camp so he can share his misery with others and crush any love they may have ever had for anything in the universe. But it’s not all fun and games for our cruel mockery of a protagonist. Personal tragedy abounds as Kale gets a deranged stalker and Monica’s family die because she took so long in the bathroom. And so as Kale passes an important milestone on his path to manhood (hint: not Zabanya), Lyle figures out what a girl is (hint: also not Zabanya) and guest star Mister Plight does that thing that we all know he always does, we continue on our painful march to oblivion. I mean the next two chapters of the fic. Really.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 312 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 3-4

Episode 312: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 3-4

Yes, you have to take part in a sport that you've dedicated your life to anyway for the sake of a girl who clearly likes you. Suck it up, princess.

Getting to take the day off school because a pair of big names from the sport-like substance you’ve dedicated your life to have come to visit in order to heap praise upon you sounds like a great deal, doesn’t it? Unless you’re Kale “I Like Zabanya” Cassel, in which case it’s just another bleak drudgery that the universe has chosen to heap upon him that he will complain endlessly about. Between that, his being considered at the top of his sport, a girl loving him unconditionally for no real reason and the entire universe arranging itself for his convenience, life is obviously one never ending cycle of bleak misery. But on, the upside, people do get to talk about what parts their plastic toy robots are made out of, and in the end, that’s what’s good in life.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 309 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 1-2

Episode 309: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 1-2

Raymond collapsed and passed out several minutes ago. I didn't help him, because this near-total stranger's model kit is more important than his health. I know he'll understand.

When you’re writing fanfic about a show that’s about the fandom of a show, you’re already pretty metafictional. But when you replace your fanfic about a show that’s about the fandom of a show with another fanfic about a show that’s about the fandom of a show, then it begins to get really crazy. Case in point is this lovely little piece which is a replacement for My Way to the Championship which improves upon it in ways that we can’t even begin to describe. (No, really, this fic cannot be described in any rational terms) So join the cast of Gundam 00 save for that useless scrub Setsuna Kale and his buddies plus the Obligatory Pale Quiet Girl as they mercilessly pummel any feelings of joy and happiness out of the universe and fail to understand how school uniforms work!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 265 - My Way to the Championship, chapters 7-9

Episode 265: My Way to the Championship, chapters 7-9

Shining Finger unto others as you would have them Shining Finger unto you.

As the Gundam Tournament gets underway, things get more intense! And there's nothing more tense and dramatic then lengthy introductions of random user-contributed OCs and their custom plastic robot toys, right? Oh sure, you could give Darren a focus chapter that exists solely to crush his spirits or maybe introduce people that look like other people and have the same name as other people or even decide to jarringly shift the tone and talk about Monica's dead hooker mother, but that's not what we're here for. Because, in the end, it's all about Kale and how he should be allowed to godmode his way through the competition. That and the filler chapter. I'll let you decide which is more interesting.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.