Episode 472 - The Newcomer, chapters 1-5

Episode 472: The Newcomer, chapters 1-5

Those penguins are up to something. I know it.

When you're the world's five richest and most powerful people who literally own the internet, you can pick and choose who you hang out with. And that's why the High Five have decided that they are all deeply emotionally invested in this guy called Lozer who might be the greatest example of nominative determinism at work that I have ever seen. And if you’re thinking that there surely must be some hidden depths to this guy that you're missing, well then, you'd be entirely wrong, bucko. So it's time to put your Viking helmet on and go around looting corpses for the first part of The Newcomer. No, seriously, his name is Lozer. I'm not making that up.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 471 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4

Episode 471: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4

PPS, the Roboskull is real, lives on the dark side of the moon and is coming for you

We join our hero, Harry Potter the boy wizard as he leads a covert strike against a group of revolutionaries aimed at breaking up an arms deal that ends with him achieving a double-digit bodycount. Now you might be staggered at that idea, but trust me, it’s far from the stupidest part of the fic. Instead, we're treated to the sheer magic (joke not intended) that its Lily Potter's insane paranoid manifesto which will no doubt end with the revelation that Dumbledore is a lizard person. So grab your name-band firearms, your hardened milspec laptop and your hall pass for the second half of Harry Potter the G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone. Also trust nobody, filter your water, and never leave home without your tinfoil hat.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 470 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2

Episode 470: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2

If this ends with G.I. Joe in court fighting for custody of Harry Potter, then this fic it will all be worth it

It’s rare that a fic gives you its entire premise in the title, but yet when you’ve got one called Harry Potter and G.I. Joe, you should probably know exactly what to expect. Even then, you’ll probably end up being surprised when Scarlett (heart-shaped face, high cheekbones, emerald green eyes, copper-red hair) decides that she’s going to move heaven and earth for a boy that she has only just met and who has spent all that time unconscious. So while everyone is shocked that two redheads exist in the world and the Dursleys suffer grisly deaths we’ll be describing characters’ clothes in stupidly elaborate detail for the first portion of Harry Potter and G.I. Joe. Features a bulldog and/or Dreadnok!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 469 - Turtles' Big Sister, Chapters 2-3

 Episode 469: Turtles' Big Sister, Chapters 2-3

Her father was kidnapped by hideous brain aliens, but she’s fine now

It’s time for more of the amazing adventures of Pepper, the cat-headed goddess who defines all of existence and without whom we have no meaning. In this exciting pair of chapters, you'll be glued to your seat as Pepper rolls her eyes, lectures people, rolls her eyes, beats up bad guys, rolls her eyes, is completely insufferable at all times and is praised for it, rolls her eyes, is vaguely racist and then, as a break, rolls her eyes some more. Yes, its an utterly thrilling adventure here in the next segment of Turtles’ Big Sister, so you better buckle up and enjoy it. Or else Pepper will roll her eyes at you.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 468 - Turtles' Big Sister, Profile and Chapter 1

Episode 468: Turtles' Big Sister, Profile and Chapter 1

Pepper has spoken! Her word is law!

Meet Pepper. Don’t worry if you have no idea who she is, as the fic will open with a ten-page infodump giving every detail about her appearance, the clothes she always wears, how she ranks her siblings, her long list of enemies, her favourite burrowing mammal and her thoughts on classical Chinese literature. And if you get through all of that you might just care about the fic which consists of regurgitated scripts with Pepper crudely added into them like some sort of Lucas recut. So get ready to enter the Pepperverse for Turtles Big Sister. Really, the entire premise is there in the title.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 467 - The Neon Lily of Night City

Episode 467: The Neon Lily of Night City

Whoso pulleth this Mantis Blade from this thug’s pelvis is rightful crowned king of England

Meet Harry Potter and Fleur Delacour. He’s a merc who’s main skill is being loud and obnoxious, and she’s a corpo who’s mostly defined by her silly accent. They’re the two dumbest and horniest people in Night City, a fact that this fic will remind you of at every possible moment. Together they’re going to plan a heist, but that’s not what this is all about. Instead it’s about the pair of them trying to jump into each other’s pants at every opportunity while everyone around them tries to join in. So grab your mantis blade, your vending machine burrito and your obvious trap for The Neon Lily of Night City. Eeez very zilly ‘fic, no?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Bonus: Fanfic Summaries

When we sat down to do the fic summaries in A Stranger Named Six, we went through most if not all of the fics we've done in past. Ultimately, we only used those that we thought were the most amusing, or actually functioned as a neat encapsulation of the fic. There were a lot that didn't work for a number of reasons; they didn't work for our purposes, they didn't really accomplish what we were after or they just didn't mean anything. On top of that, we aimed for more 'big name' fics from our history. Ultimately, of the huge list we generated, we only picked a handful of them.

However, in the spirit of fun, here's a full list of all the ones we went through and came up with.

Episode 466 - A Stranger Named Six

Episode 466: A Stranger Named Six

Oh no! Not Surprisingly Chill Ninja! He was my favourite character!

Having ensured a better future for a reclusive billionaire techbro through nuking thousands of innocents, Courier Six is at something of a loss for what to do with his life. Fortunately, a chance encounter sends him hurtling across time, space and reality to another world where he finds the one thing he’s really been missing in his life; hot fox-girl booty. So enamoured is he with this idea that he immediately gets over his wangst about how life is a meaningless void of existential despair and hooks up with the group of obviously evil ninjas because they seem nice. So sit back, relax and have some pizza for A Stranger Named Six. You have to, it’s the rules.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 465 - Birds of Prey

Episode 465: Birds of Prey

Turns out international terrorism is just her day job. Necromancy is her real passion.

Having been fired from his job as a high-tech international terrorist, Wild Weasel is looking for work and a shot at redemption. Fortunately, the team of Predatory Cougar, Junior Birdman and the Mothra Twins are hiring, looking for a pilot for their giant robot bird fortress. And so, with nothing better to do (and because it wouldn’t be much of a fic otherwise) he signs up and is thus pulled into possibly the stupidest and most overly elaborate revenge plot ever. So get your metal wings, your hand-held mini-jets, your magic amulet and possessed skull for Birds of Prey. Featuring the guy with the bird. No, not that one. The other one.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year eleven

 First of all, I’ll get the obvious point out of the way. Yes, new posts have slowed to a crawl. There’s a number of reasons for this, but one of them stands out above everything else.

At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for us. Real life is still our priority, and our post rate reflects that. We do this for fun, but we have other things going on as well. This includes other writing projects that are going to eat into our time and ability to focus on what we’re doing here. And yes, these are original projects, not ones that are making fun of bad fanfics written by other people.

With that being said, our plan is to continue posting, even if at a reduced rate. We’re no longer going to adhere to any schedule, but rather post these things as they get done. This might mean that we could end up going a month without a new fic, or that we could get a number done at once. But most importantly, it’s about having fun. And that’s why we’re here.

So let’s take a look at what actually happened in Year Eleven of the increasingly anachronistically named Rebuild of Elmer Studios.

 

Episode 464 - Millennium City Magic

Episode 464: Millennium City Magic

Which logically means that Lucius Malfoy is built on less character points than Talisman or Black Paladin

This fic gets off to a flying start when a bunch of nine-year-old kids are locked up in a fully-stocked police armoury for their own safety, and yet it only manages to get stupider from there. For one of those kids is Harry Potter and the armoury contains a ridiculously advanced suit of experimental armour with a huge arsenal at its disposal, which means that you know things are going to end well. Next thing you know, the Boy Who Lived is flying around, doing tutorial quests and throwing senior citizens across the room, but it’s all okay since his godfather will throw money at problems to make them go away. So get your Qualaar beacons and your speed chart for Millennium City Magic. Now with added Grond!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 463 - After Cybertron, chapters 5-7

Episode 463: After Cybertron, chapters 5-7

He qualified for being a Spectre by running through a maze, ringing a bell and getting a piece of cheese

Now that Optimus Prime has had his regular round of dying and coming back to life, we can get back to what this fic is really about; that’s right, introducing characters. But this part of After Cybertron gives us an extra special treat! Not just do we have more random pointless Transformers in random pointless side-plots, but we also get to meet the author’s totally amazing, incredibly original OC complete with getting his tragic backstory dumped on us in the most awkward way possible. So get your cyberarm and your useless alt-mode for the last portion of After Cybertron! Also Shepard is in this, but you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 462 - After Cybertron, chapters 3-4

Episode 462: After Cybertron, chapters 3-4

Hunting helicopter gunships, much like the Tyrannosaurus did millions of years ago

Saren and Sovereign have launched their assault on the Citadel, aiming to summon the Reapers and wipe out all life in the galaxy! Shepard is faced with an impossible decision in the battle to save all life. Except then a bunch of Transformers come along and effortlessly stomp everything while she stands around and goes ‘yay’ or something while draining every last hint of tension from the story. And so as the ominous guy says ominous things and the Transformers conceal themselves by going on giant robot rampage through the middle of the city you can enjoy some more chunks of After Cybertron. Eye-searing 90s colour schemes not included.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.