Episode 509 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 9-14

Episode 509: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 9-14

So in short, I think we should change the name back to Columbia because raiders wiped out my hometown and I had sex with Zoey.

In this, the next set of alphanumeric characters that constitutes Fallout: United Carolina Republic, John shows up, issues arbitrary orders, effortlessly slaughters his inept opponents and is congratulated for it. But treachery is looming in the form of the return of his greatest enemy, Enclave John. Yes, that is the character's name. Please stop laughing. So as the narrative collapses in on itself get your ridiculously convenient excavator, your manky bear pelt and the tragic(?) death the fic has been threatening all along for the final chunks of Fallout: United Carolina Republic. But really, his name is Enclave John. We're not making that up.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 508 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 5-8

Episode 508: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 5-8

The symbol of the notorious raider gang, the poop shovel gun bears.

Warning: Contains explicit sex

John has sex with Zoey. This development is vitally important because it means that John had sex with his girlfriend Zoey who is his girlfriend because she loves him because they have sex. This deeply developed and emotionally compelling relationship forms the heart of this story. Just kidding. It’s mostly about John ordering a mass killing and everyone being okay with this. So get your newspaper headlines, your killer robots and hang out with Father and Son for the next four chapters of Fallout: United Carolina. No really, they never get any names beyond Father and Son and are constantly referred to as such throughout. You'd think somebody would have noticed by now.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 507 - Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 1-4

Episode 507: Fallout: United Carolina Republic, chapters 1-4

Besides, I’ve never shanked a Lizard Man before. It was kinda fun.

Meet John. He’s the president of the United Carolina Republic. Who is he, what does he do and what is this nation that he supposedly runs? Doesn’t matter at all. What does matter is listing everyone’s weapons and what modifications they have in detail, and boy does this fic have you covered. But if that’s not enough, you get to watch John meet people, hand out arbitrary orders and generally be stupid and have everyone agree with him which is just as thrilling as it sounds. So get your ported extended long calibrated sniper’s Pipe Bolt-Action Gun and cannibalise your neighbours for the first four chapters of Fallout: the United Carolina Republic. May or may not contain Radcoons.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 506: Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 9-12

Episode 506: Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 9-12

And if you can't trust an incomprehensible alien superintelligence, then who?

Meet Patterson. He's a one-man transhumanist clone conspiracy that has infiltrated the Martian military at every single level as a part of a plan to de-terraform Earth in order to ensure the superiority of his own personal agenda. And of you're wondering what this has to do with anything else, then you’re not alone as the entire story just takes a hard left turn off a cliff, throwing away everything we've seen so far for an ending that is so out of nowhere that it’s impossible to connect to the rest of the fic.* So it's time to say a fond farewell to Stomach, Observer 6543321, Thomas Wisette and Cindy the Wolf Sniper for the last chunk of Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers. It's an ending so good that you'll feel mad for all the time you spent reading it.

*Not a fanfic.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year fourteen

 The fourteenth year of the Rebuild of Elmer Studios saw us achieve a significant milestone, reaching episode 500. Admittedly we’re not entirely sure if it actually was episode five hundred or if we had 500 episodes previously, but it’s close enough for us. We got a total of fifteen episodes out, which means that we were able to maintain our planned one episode per month release rate during the course of the last year. That schedule is one that we are fully intending to maintain for the foreseeable future.

This last year gave us a rather mixed bag of fics across a number of different fandoms. However, none of them managed to really dominate the year as has happened in past. None the less, there were ones that were memorable for a variety of reasons, and one that is very dear to me for a very, very strange reason.

So let’s take a look back at this last year and see what we had.

Episode 505 - Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 5-8

Episode 505: Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 5-8

She's a special operations space murder cyborg nepo-baby from Mars. Normal is a relative term.

As Gate probes the mysteries of an unknowable alien superintelligence, we are left with a single burning question: who is Thomas Wisette and why do we care enough about him to have an entire chapter dedicated to his backstory? Are we really that invested in his observations of Jupiter, the research he does online or his thesis paper that we had to learn all about it in pointless detail? And most importantly, why are we wasting time on this when Eagle, Simmons and Necessary have basically done nothing to justify their existence? Doesn’t matter, he’s dead now anyway. So get your presidential advisory AI and your whimsical child’s painting of an alien fortress for the next four chapters of Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers. And how do you drop a submarine from space anyway?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 504 - Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 1-4

Episode 504: Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers, chapters 1-4

I have made peace with the bandits by killing all the bandits.

Thirty years after enigmatic aliens conquered the Earth a super cool team (consisting of space murder cyborg, snap-frozen terrorist, that guy, that other guy and a psychic schoolgirl because its anime and you have to have one) are sent to discover who these mysterious space crabs are and what they actually want while also selling new toys. Naturally it all goes bad, but fortunately our hero Gate is here to make sure that everything gets so much worse before its done. So grab your beloved ride armour and your hologram uncle for the first four chapters of Genesis Climber MOSPEADA: Genesis Breakers. Strict one chimney limit, bring your own wolf.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 503 - Bubblegum Force, chapters 6-7

Episode 503: Bubblegum Force, chapters 6-7

The dystopian cyberpunk artisan cheese shop district

After an interminable eternity of faffing around punctuated with awkward silences and school meetings, the plot of Bubblegum Force finally starts in its final section. Evil Genom executive Patrick J. Starfish launches his evil plan to do something evil only to immediately be undercut by everyone around him and then be killed off anyway without accomplishing anything before the fic begrudgingly gives us the robot fight we've been hanging out for. So get your discrete laser-armed space shuttle and your most subtle giant war robot for the final portion of Bubblegum Force, which features a genuinely unexpected twist in as far as Largo doesn't return.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 502 - Bubblegum Force, chapters 4-5

Episode 502: Bubblegum Force, chapters 4-5

Oh yeah. Those moon guys are the worst

Dear lavender haired girl. All I was trying to do was inexplicably menace a small child when you walked into my life. You looked so small and dainty in your dress that it was hard for me not to laugh at you despite the fact that I am merely a murderous robot. And yet, I felt so angry at your interruption that I wanted to destroy you there on the spot, my mission utterly forgotten. I took a swing at you, but you caught my hand in yours, without any effort. You looked at me with your curious amber eyes and that mysterious smile as you then effortlessly crushed my hand in yours. But in truth, you crushed the mechanical fuel pump that passes for my heart.

Bubblegum Force, won’t you?

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 501 - Bubblegum Force, chapters 2-3

Episode 501: Bubblegum Force, chapters 2-3

I feel safe in your arms, killer robot

In order to maintain a low profile, Lufy joins the ADP as a combat pilot with an obviously fake resume that wouldn't hold up under scrutiny. Naturally everyone accepts this without question, especially after she goes out on an unauthorised mission that results in multiple deaths and more chunks of the city blowing up. Her plan of course was to add even more Gall Force characters to the fic (Shildy, Catty II, whats-her-name and the other one) which won't clutter up this narrative in the slightest. So, light a cigarette as you drive a tanker full of highly explosive fuel through a densely populated residential areas for the second part of Bubblegum Force. And ignore the way that Catty and Sylia are glowering at each other. Nothing going on there at all, no sir.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 500 - Bubblegum Force, chapter 1

Episode 500: Bubblegum Force, chapter 1

Sometimes crashing into the moon actually is the better option.

After spending two million years sleeping off being exploded, Rabby wakes up to find that she's in an alien world completely disconnected from her own. Fortunately, Lufy is also there having just gotten over dying yet again, so the two of them do the only logical thing possible and steal a motorcycle. They happen to run into totally legitimate businesswoman Sylia Stingray who is willing to give them shelter, support and a fully equipped workshop with an industrial steel press, no questions asked. So if you have questions about the nature of life, death, reincarnation and if Genom's cryogenics research will get funding then cast them all aside for the first chapter of Bubblegum Force. Patty's on her own.

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 499 - Transformers Prime x ROBOTECH - Season 1

Episode 499: Transformers Prime x ROBOTECH - Season 1

We live on God’s face.

It’s a triple date with hate here as we feature a three-way* crossover. Having managed to miss the most important events in the world for the last decade, the Autobots send their agents to a tiny island in the South Pacific, only to find that it is home to a giant alien spaceship that they were somehow completely unaware of. And when said island is attacked by bad guys for no real reason, it’s up to the Autobots to save the day while the humans stand around and exposit. So grab your motorcycle helmet (hologram or real) and be amazed by the existence of walls for Transformers Prime x ROBOTECH - Season 1. Featuring all your favourite characters such as Random Destroid Pilot and Nameless Power Armour Guy.

*For very generous values of the number three.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 498 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 5-7

 Episode 498: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 5-7

I'm cheering for Filler Team A.

So far, Shining Jewels has given us an aggressively unlikeable protagonist, long lists of what parts everyone's Gundam is made from and demands to send OCs. That means it must be time for the tournament arc which is never completed because the fic is abandoned, and what do you know, the fic does (or doesn't) disappoint. And so as Mathias gets a creepy stalker who is still more likeable than he is, Adrian continues being an entity that exists and we all pretend to be impressed by the guy that we've never heard of before we bid a fond farewell to The Shining Jewels of America. And remember, it's not cheating if the entire system is set up to support the guy who does it.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 497 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 3-4

Episode 497: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 3-4

Were you having sex dreams about Full Frontal again?

Meet Mister and Mrs Winns. They're both veteran Gundam fighters who have built up an entertainment empire that exists entirely to benefit the pair of them. It means that they can sit back, relax and absolve themselves of all responsibly for their son being a toxic jackarse all the time. And so as they sip margaritas and foster Matthias' personal problems on a pair of complete strangers, we engage in yet another round of boring filler Gundam fights, because that's what this fic is really about. So once again it's time to get your overly long list of Gundam parts and tour recycled reader-submitted OC for another segment of Shining Jewels of America. Still 100% jewel-free, shining or otherwise

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 496 - Shining Jewels of America, chapters 1-2

Episode 496: Shining Jewels of America, chapters 1-2

His Gundam hit her Gundam which punched his Gundam in the Gundam before she Gudamned his Gundam with a Gumdam Gundam bacon baked beans and Gundam.

Meet Mathias Winns. He's an aggressively unlikeable jerk who is actively hostile to the people around him, carries himself with a sense of perpetual entitlement, hates the idea of other people having fun and has an unhealthy relationship with his Gundam. That's right, it's another Gundam Build Fighters fic that keeps the proud (?) traditions of those that have come before it going. It’s a fic about a trio of people who less are a team and more are in a mutually loathsome arrangement that none of them are willing to leave, but that's okay because one of them is barely there anyway. So it's time to deliberately sabotage your teammates and wrestle an alligator* for the first part of The Shining Jewels of America.

*Sadly this does not happen

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 495 - Guns and Roses, chapters 8-11

Episode 495: Guns and Roses, chapters 8-11

You're in the middle of a citywide gang war, but cake is what's important

In this exciting portion of Guns and Roses, Ambrose Leigh Rivera DeFizz sends out birthday invites and tries to appeal to the better nature of an obviously unstable vengeance-fuelled madman. She also has a dramatic confrontation with her ex, a moment that is completely undercut by our having no clue at all who he is nor having any real reason to care. On top of that the boss also has a confrontation with his ex that we don't know or care about either, so at least the fic is giving us the option which is nice, I guess. So it’s time to throw a party and threaten an innocent bystander with a gun for the final chunk of Guns and Roses. This is the improved version!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 494 - Guns and Roses, chapters 5-7

Episode 494: Guns and Roses, chapters 5-7

I can feel a good old ‘Suck it up, Princess’ coming on.

The Spectres have launched a devastating attack on the Saints and have taken control of half of Steelport. In response to this threat, the Boss continues to make kissy faces at Amber while she infodumps her entire life story and plays a pointless guessing game. That right, it's time for more of this, and the fic is not going to hold back in giving you more than you could have ever wanted of the world's two dumbest and horniest people staring blankly at each other while regurgitating text. I mean, there might be some other stuff going on, but none of it actually matters because it's not them. So get your RC possessor, your stupid prototype gun and chunky block exposition for the second part of Guns and Roses. It contains all you need to know about Venezuela!*

*It does not.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 493 - Guns and Roses, chapters 1-4

Episode 493: Guns and Roses, chapters 1-4

We kissed in a dark box with a vial of corrosive gas hooked up to a Geiger Counter, so I can’t tell if it happened or not.

It’s a lovely day in Steelport; the sun is shining, the sea is calm and a horde of attack helicopters and armed vehicles are converging on one point in downtown. Who are these mysterious attackers? Well to be honest it doesn’t matter one bit as they’re basically going to be effortlessly trashed as backstory to set up the fic’s romantic arc. That’s right, it’s the adventures of two incredibly dumb and incredibly horny people who’s immediate thoughts in the middle of a raging gunfight is ‘hey, they’re kinda hot.’ That’s all there is to this fic and we're only just getting started. So get your multi-organisation, your tacky tattoos and Jiffy the llama for Guns and Roses. This fic is re-edited!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 492 - Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 15-16

Episode 492: Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 15-16

Nah, my internship only covers me for one felony..

In this final part of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, we engage in a vital plot point. Which is to say that a side character gets into a fight with some gang or something that has literally nothing to do with anything at all, but we still waste twenty pages on it anyway. So join all your favourite Harry Potter and Ninja Turtles characters, like Blaise Zabani, Mondo Gecko, Alicia Spinnet, Ray Fillet, Zacharias Smith, Walkabout, Penelope Clearwater, Jagwar, Charity Burbage, Sandstorm, Gideon Prewitt and Fred Hamster for the last chunk of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Also Cornelius Fudge was an alien warlord all along. Who knew?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 491 - Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 12-14

Episode 491: Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 12-14

Padma Patil, the well-known daredevil unicycle ninja.

In this next chunk of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Stephen Cornfoot does some skateboard stunts, fights ninjas, goes on a Japanese game show, engages in heavy-handed narration and is generally rewarded for just existing. Yeah, move aside libertarian ninja Harry Potter, this fic's all about Stephen now, and we're clearly better off for it. There’s also something about a Philosophers Stone or some other stuff, but it's probably not important. So grab your sewer skateboard and your battery-operated sword for the next segment of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It contains everything you need to know about Cerberus (that you didn't already learn from late night monster movies)

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.