Episode 335 - Daughter of the Saints, chapters 10-12

Episode 335: Daughter of the Saints, chapters 10-12

Your threat loses a lot of its impact when it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

This newest portion of Daughter of the Saints is all about one thing; wangst. Not only that, but it comes in a wide variety of flavours. There’s your regular self-indulgent wangst, there’s flashback wangst, there’s dream sequence wangst and there’s even other people wangsting just to provide an alternate point of view. Sure there might be some crudely inserted copy-paste video game dialogue, a bloody invasion by the leader of an international criminal syndicate and the inevitable discussions of the economic viability of wolf ranching, but those are all secondary to the main point. Oh, and there’s also the matter of fatal hereditary diseases, but since testing for them is less important than having a new iPhone I guess they don’t matter either. All this plus a guest appearance by Mike the Human!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 334 - The Death Games, chapters 7-9

Episode 334: The Death Games, chapters 7-9

Well I volunteered to go participate in this grisly child murder spectacle for the pleasure of some enigmatic alien overlords, but apart from that? Peachy.

The time has arrived to begin the pageantry of honour, glory and lists of colours that is the Death Games... almost! Before our cast of very-nearly characters can get around to killing each other for the entertainment of the monochrome aliens, there's a few things that need to be done. Interviews! Training! Scores! Dream sequences! Breakfast! Staring longingly at some girl you've just met! That's right, it's a busy time for our monosyllabic contenders from their overly-descriptive planets as they go through possibly familiar scenes from a certain teen lit series while talking about the one girl who has a backstory and how perfect she is. So get your alien popcorn ready because it's almost nearly quite close to being time to start The Death Games!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Great news for all readers!

As noted in my last art fail post, Storm Force is very... silly in places. The artwork is good, but at the same time it can be often hard to describe. In a world of knife suits, mutant spider goons, malformed henchmen, shark-shaped cars and armies of insane killer robots, it's actually rather hard to write good, succinct descriptions of what the comic is depicting and what's going on.

Fortunately, a bizarre form of salvation has arrived. Action Force fan site Blood for the Baron has begun a Storm Force ongoing scans project aimed at digitally recreating every issue of Storm Force. The goal is to cover everything from it's origin in Battle to it's two-year run in Eagle after the two merged, as well as one-offs, annuals, holiday specials and even text stories. It's a very lofty goal, given that the strip is otherwise unknown and dwells in the lands of obscurity. It also means that you can get to see Storm Force in its full, nay insane, glory.

On a related note, the fantastic Great News for All Readers has been an invaluable resource for me. The amount of information present, weather simply on-site or though its many, many links, has immensely helped me fill gaps in my knowledge and expand the material I have to work with. Plus it has scans of many obscure pieces, often with gorgeous art that's sadly overlooked. I cannot recommend it enough.

Art Fail - Storm Force

This Art Fail is a little different from the others. There's nothing wrong with the art in Storm Force; in fact, I quite like Vanyo's style. It;s certainly a lot better then the other Art Fails I've showcased. However, that doesn't change the fact that the content of the art is, well, just kind of goofy.

Case in point, let's meet our titular team of designated protagonists...

Storm Force! Fighting the war on mutant spider goons!

Episode 333 - Storm Force: Robot Raider, parts 5-8

Episode 333: Storm Force: Robot Raider, parts 5-8

When you're designing themed evil robots, you need to go all the way. There's no sense in just leaving it half done. Besides, a Samurai Robot speaking perfect English would be just silly

When you are facing an army of high-tech killer robots, there are certain skills that you want on your team. For example, for obvious reasons, you would need a computer hacker. That means you have someone who can hysterically scream and be useless while the real men blow robots up with their robot arms, samurai swords or knife suits. And when slightly misunderstood genius Paul Sondheim unveils his army of the twelve deadliest robots ever built (Insert Astroboy joke here), you’ll need all the crying and whimpering you can get to fight off this army of deadly mechanized cosplayers. Throw in a doomsday weapon that obligingly runs amok the instant it is introduced and an exploding bandstand and you have the next scintillating part of the Storm Force saga!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 332 - Daughter of the Saints, chapters 7-9

Episode 332: Daughter of the Saints, chapters 7-9

She couldn't be more obvious if she was standing on the counter with a megaphone, demanding sympathy from anyone who passed her by.

Having reached its first plot point, Daughter of the Saints stubbornly refuses to go anywhere else. Much like a whiny, self-absorbed teenager (ie, its central character) it instead goes to its room and sulks and refuses all efforts to coax it out. And so while Gaia continues to while about how unfair it is that life isn’t like the magical fantasy world she wants it to be, Peirce gets a sandwich, Matt Miller takes time out from his erotic roleplay and the economic feasibility of supporting a Wolf Ranch on Deviantart commissions is contemplated at great length. So forget about stealing cars, claiming turf and over the top battles; because explaining how basements, chess boards, taps and zippers work is where the real action is at!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 331 - Daughter of the Saints, chapters 1-6

Episode 331: Daughter of the Saints, chapters 1-6

She needs to be placed in a more child-appropriate environment, like, say, a cage fighting league or the Korean DMZ.

After being forced to leave her beloved Wolf Ranch to fulfill the wishes of her dead beloved mother (and possible child molester), young Gaia Kirrov is reunited with her long lost father. And despite said father bring the Boss of the Third Street Saints, the result is not automatically a festival of excessive, nay cartoony violence. Rather it becomes an intense tug of war between said father and willfully neglectful social worker Helena (sadly not a psychotic clone) as to who doesn't have to take custody of the god-awful brat. So if you think that your Sandbox Crime Game needs less car thefts, drive-bys, poop trucks and naked sky-diving and more custody disputes, emo poetry, court orders and wangst over dead parents, then this is the fic for you!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 330 - Bubblegum Climax: Dark Horizon, chapters 3-4 and appendix

Episode 330: Bubblegum Climax: Dark Horizon, chapters 3-4 and appendix

Just gently reminding you once more that you might not want to stand around in the exploding factory.

Dark Horizon is a scathing demonstration of what happens when international agencies try to overstep jurisdictional boundaries through the actions of a single rouge operative following a personal agenda, as per illustrated through the medium of robots blowing stuff up. And boy, is there a lot of that to go around; so much so that the fix needed to cut extraneous matters (Like plot, story, characterization and nuance) to fit it all in. So while agent lly (Ully? Illy? Willy?) conducts her personal investigation/crazed revenge trip, Leon props her up, Sylia goes to a shareholder meeting and Nene does the computer stuff that is apparently her only defining trait, as she really doesn’t have anything else to do anyway. All this plus the same fight scene dragged out ad infinitum! It’s wiz, chummer.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 329 - Bubblegum Climax: Dark Horizon, chapters 1-2

Episode 329: Bubblegum Climax: Dark Horizon, chapters 1-2

To hide the evil robot factory, they disguised it as a dairy. And then to conceal that, they disguised it as a Bioweapons lab. Nobody will suspect a thing.

As civil war rocks the generic Euro-Middle Eastern nation of Alafaya, armies of evil killer death robots commit atrocities such as stomping prize azaleas and crossing against the lights. With international authorities powerless to stop them, it’s going to need one woman to take the law into her own hands. Enter lly (It’s pronounced how it’s spelt) a gratuitous pet OC who is willing to steal top secret prototypes and Shanghai a cop into her mind-numbingly illegal operation. And since it’s Leon, he’s okay with all of this because, you know, girls. So head on down to your local secret evil robot factory and maybe compare the benefits of driving a hybrid soccer mom van for Bubblegum Climax: Dark Horizon. Oh yeah, there’s also some chicks in suits called the Knight Sabers or something in there too.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 328 - All because of a Snow Day

Episode 328: All because of a Snow Day

I'll sit here alone wearing nothing but a shirt in a girls' dormitory room. Can't wait to explain myself when I'm inevitably discovered.

It's not easy being Spider-Man. You've got to deal with a job, schoolwork, family pressures, your own rogues gallery, random attacks from the Juggernaut and being abducted by the X-Men. And that's why a teleporting mutant who forgets she can teleport decides that he needs to be paired up with the first person on hand, who just happens to be X-23. Oh sure, they've got nothing in common. And yes, he's got a bad history with clones. And okay, they can't even pick out a movie together. But they're young, they're pliable, and the real love interests have been conveniently shuffled aside to force along the plot. So as long as her clone dad doesn't kill them and the telepath doesn't read anyone's mind they should be fine to stare awkwardly at each other and engage in forced comedy antics or something. Just remember that this came about All Because of a Snow Day.


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 327 - Storm Force: Robot Raider, parts 1-4

Episode 327: Storm Force: Robot Raider, parts 1-4

A giant metal man is fighting a robot gorilla. We might as well all go home now, because it's not going to get any better than this.

Straight from the pages of Battle with Storm Force (And Action, Boy’s World, Champion, Fantastic, Lion, Pow!, Smash!, Terrific, Thunder, TV21, Valiant, Vulcan and Wham!) comes another tale of manly men (and token girl) punching things to make a better world or something! A reclusive renegade genius unleashes robot bank robbers, cyborg gorillas, giant mechanical ants and quadcopters with GoPros to plague mankind, and only our heroes, Detachable Arm, Spikey McGrumblebum, the greatest ninja in Yorkshire, Full Metal Codpiece, Weiner Man and the one with the girl bits can stop them! That is, if their own staggering ineptitude doesn’t do them in first. So grab your samurai sword, your flamethrower arm and your exo-skeleton and go make mechanoids explode! It’s about war stories that are realistic and gritty, after all.

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 326 - Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 24-30

Episode 326: Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 24-30

Yeah, it's so much hard work saving the galaxy. Again, suck it up space princess.

Trinity: Forgotten Flame gallops towards the sweet merciful release of death in this final installment! Having discovered the location of the lost planet of Zalcoria, our alleged... Wait what? What do you mean the lost planet of where? It's that key thing that's vital to the threadbare plot of this lame excuse for a novel. What do you mean it hasn't once been mentioned so far? Well crap. Look, there's a lost planet, there's evil precursor aliens, there's a threat to the whole galaxy, you get it, right? You're saying that none of this has been made even remotely clear so far? Huh... Well... I guess we can shove in some massive pace-stumping exposition in the penultimate chapter and just vomit text at the reader or something. I dunno. Anyway, it's the end, so be thankful for that much. Well, until the second book, that is.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 325 - Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 18-23

Episode 325: Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 18-23

God-damned Transhumanists ruin everything.

If there is one thing that you could say about Trinity: Forgotten Flame, it's that it has an amazing ability to raise potentially interesting plot points and then immediately flush them away. This latest semi-digested lump is a great example of that as issues of self versus identity, free will, past actions and their consequences and the effects of one's decisions on others are immediately thrown aside in favor of more badly written smarm. So join us as Lauren gets heaped with massive amounts of emotional trauma, Bek fades into obscurity, the other kid (you know, what’s his name) performs experimental brain surgery on himself and Kirsten is absolved of being a mass-murderer because she's good in the sack in the next portion of this crime against text. All this plus cake! We don’t know why, just cake.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 324 - Dinobot's Old Technology series

Episode 324: Dinobot's Old Technology series

At this point I think the dialogue’s being written by some sort of random word generator

Legends tell of a brave warrior who lived a warrior ans died to an hero. They tell of how he fell, and how he was reborn as a fratricidal backstabbing murderer who seemed to be doing everything in his power to be sabotage his own team. This is that story-like substance, the long string of random events known as Dinobot's Old Technology. Possibly maybe a Beast Wars fanfic, this series tackles big questions of life, death, fate, destiny, mortality and stuff blowing up with all the coherence that you expect out of a half-snake, half-ant, half-tyrannosaurus monster. So make your calcule about Steses Pods, insert your rotate blade, and shout Japanese noodle commercial slogans as you try to figure out what the hell it is you're reading and why Rhinox is death.

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

July update

June was a very slow month; we only got a single episode out and it was right at the end of said month to boot. There were a number of reasons for this, and the sheer size of Trinity: Forgotten Flame was only a part of the problem; we also had a lot going on in the month that kept us very busy and under a lot of pressure.

The good news is that things will be faster in July. Episodes 323 and 324 are both in progress; both are B-Teams. Trinity will continue after that in episodes 324 and 325. Looking further into the future, we have fics picked out all the way up to 332 (not including B-Teams) which will also include fictional franchises that we haven't ever covered before. Finally, we have several more fics in consideration after that.

As can be seen, our Strategic Fic Reserve has been refreshed and is somewhat strong. However, we're allways on the lookout for new material. As Trinity shows, donations have been rather lucrative for us and more are allways welcome.

Episode 323 - Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 8-17

Episode 323: Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 8-17

At nights back in the orphanage, she would lie awake, imagining the wonders of the wider universe and what amazing sights waited for her out there. And now it's come down to a Suicide Girl reject fighting a furry, she just wants to go home and cry.

Imagine you're the Prophet. Imagine you're the villain. Imagine you have a perfect opportunity to get the McGuffin drive. Imagine you threw it away without a thought. Imagine your henchmen are the Doge. Imagine they're the doggiest dog aliens that ever dogged a dog. Imagine you're up against Kirsten. Imagine you're giving her a run for being the stupidest person in the universe. Imagine you’ve just been outsmarted by someone who thinks that naked wrestling is a sensible plan. Imagine that this is the same woman who after being nearly stabbed to death for going off alone then proceeds to keep on going off alone. Imagine that your entire plan is about to be undone by the world’s least interesting pirate visiting a museum. Now you don't have to. Trinity.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 322 - Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 1-7

Episode 322: Trinity: Forgotten Flame, chapters 1-7

This Sexy dialogue isn't sexy. It's unSexy. It's noSexy. It's the inverse of sexy. It's sexy divided by zero.

Elmer Studios is proud to present something entirely new: an original*, professionally* written* and published* sci-fi novel*. Trinity: Forgotten Flame chronicles the adventures of brave and so very stupid space captain Kirsten Fairchild as she tries to support a nonsense business model, wreck her own ship and find new things to have sex with. Aided by her crew of totally-not-evil killer AIs and super ethical space pirate Bek Storm, she must fight armies of killer cyborgs who won’t stop until they get the Generic McGuffin that she possesses. Throw in some orphan twins (age eighteen and fifteen), a disembodied brain comedy club, dialogue by the Porn Writing Robot and heavy-handed attempts at self-justification and you have the first quarter of Trinity: Forgotten Flame. It’s something that might resemble a book if you had suffered massive head trauma.

*For very generous definitions thereof

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Fic Failure Rates

In the 121 episodes since the re-launch of Elmer Studios we have now covered fifty separate and (more or less) distinct fanfics (Not counting RPG bios, comics and other oddities). And in that number, we’ve noticed several distinct trends forming. Possibly the most immediately striking is just how few of these fics reached any sort of conclusion before wandering off into space, never to be seen again. And, while in many of those cases it’s a mercy, it’s also worth looking at just what are the odds of a fic reaching its conclusion.

So I decided to look back over that last 121 and see what I found. The result was the development of five separate categories for fics and their eventual fates.

Episode 321 - The Death Games, chapters 4-6

Episode 321: The Death Games, chapters 4-6

On my planet, we stab people with bananas. Our bananas are sharp.

It's time to meet our contestants! Buzz-Cut Boy, Intelligent on Plants Girl and Possibly Psychic Girl! They've all been chosen to partake in this year's the The Death Games! Come see them and other favourites such as Pink Girl from the planet Pink, Punk Girl from the planet Punk and Scarred Boy from the Planet Scar as they eat breakfast and flounce around in their pyjamas! But that's not all! Guy Who Likes Zabanya, Guy Who Dies First and Guy we Can't Think Of Anything To Say About are here to train with a random assortment of weapons, not hold hands and generally just kind of be there! All this while Mysterious Girl is mysterious and Nightwing gets a makeover! It's non-stop, oddly-familiar excitement in The Death Games!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 320 - Storm Force: Spider Fortress

Episode 320: Storm Force: Spider Fortress

I think the message of this comic so far is spiders.

Fresh from the pages of Eagle (aka Eagle with Scream, Eagle and Tiger, Eagle with Battle, Eagle and MASK, Eagle with Wildcat, All-New Eagle, Eagle Monthly and Holy crap, where did the British comics industry go?) comes the return of Storm Force! After generically evil mutated villain Tarantula takes over a nuclear power station, the Storm Force team attempt to thwart his evil scheme by doing pretty much everything they can to oblige him and blindly walking into obvious traps. And so as Tarantula unleashes his plans (That involve spiders) and his deadly agents (Being more spiders) and even his devastating doomsday weapon (hint: eight legs) it’s up to John Storm to use his robot arm (He has a robot arm in case you forgot his robot arm) to stop him! All this, plus the Road Shark! It’s a thing, apparently!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 319 - Son of Zor

Episode 319: Son of Zor

Hey guys, I've just transcended beyond the physical plane of existence. But it's all right, because it's perfectly normal and happens all the time.

Meet Mike. Sure, he might  just seem like your average clone space baby found in a stasis pod and then palmed off to the first people that came along (and trust us, it happens all the time), but Mike has a secret. He has the amazing ability to get freaky with giant robots in a way that everybody is perfectly okay with as if it was the most natural thing in the world. In fact, they’re so okay with this that he gets to take part in an absurdist wargame based around capturing flags and causing other people’s giant robots to turn different colours! That’s right, it may be a man’s life in this modern Generic Anime Army, but it’s the Cosmic Space Aliens who are the real heroes.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year four

Year four of Elmer Studios was, admittedly, a slow one. With twenty-five episodes done (and a twenty-sixth in progress as of this writing) it was the slowest year so far of the rebuild. There were a number of reasons for that slow-down, however, which do merit some explanation. One of the biggest reasons was simple length of the fics involved, with the last year featuring almost entirely long ‘series’ fics spread over the course of many episodes. If you looked at it in terms of actual numbers of fics done, there’s surprisingly few. Even then, that’s still a good amount of work, and bringing us a lot further along than we expected when we started the Rebuild.

This last year featured a number of highlights and interesting moments, including fictive firsts, the return of old favourite authors, lost prequels and fanfic reboots. It also featured its own story arc for a portion of its run. Finally, it marked some significant milestones in the history of the (new) Elmer Studios.

Art Fail - Reusing the panel

Ben Dunn had something of a reputation of being lazy, unimaginative and unoriginal, as well as copying artwork. In fact, he even was supposedly known for copying his own art. But is that reputation justified? Well, let's just take a look at some panels from Warrior Nun Areala versus Razor and see.

Episode 318 - Bubblegum Crisis Urban Hunter

Episode 318: Bubblegum Crisis Urban Hunter

His years of police training and practical experience allowed him to determine that the guy was indeed dead. That and, you know, he was thrown out a window, fell five stories and hit a car.

Did I mention that it’s hot, because it’s hot. And in case I didn’t mention that it’s hot, I feel that I should say that it’s hot because of how hot it is. But the heat is not the only thing plaguing MegaTokyo, as hard-boiled macho-man cop Leon McNichol has to deal with rampaging robots (caused by the heat), bank robbers, car crashes and interfering government agents. But when some guys are killed by something in some place, he can’t just blame it on how hot it is, and instead has to go out and investigate this grizzly affair by standing around, having coffee, committing perjury and above all else, complaining about the heat. Sure there might be something about a massive data theft and sabotage of Genom’s latest murderbot design, but mostly it’s about the heat. (Oh, and there might also be a Predator and the Knight Sabers too. Maybe. I can’t tell because it’s so hot.)

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 317 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 7-10

Episode 317: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 7-10

I know you're lying and that this kit was made by my dead twin brother because my one-dimensional prop girlfriend told me so.

Having run out of Gundams to beat up, Kale decides instead to beat up plastic toy robots from other shows instead. His team reacts to this decision in the most basic and obvious of ways that would come naturally in such a situation: they run around making strange noises, force comparisons to episodes of Gundam 00, wonder about Kale’s pre-pubescent brother and if he’s getting his rocks off (ewww) and find new ways to humiliate Darren. Throw in a trip to the biggest Gundam convention in all of Maryland (with attendance figures in excess of three) and the return of Kale’s infinitely more interesting evil twin brother (goatee optional) and you have the non-definite un-conclusion to this replacement fic for a replacement fic for a show about the fandom of a show! Eargblergh!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Art Fail - Headband people fight headband people

It's tempting to call all of Robotech: The Sentinels Rubicon one gigantic art fail. It's... a mess, with awkward characters that don't look anything like their original animated designs, skewed perspectives, weird-looking mecha and ships, cluttered backgrounds full of techno-junk and all manner of other things. Added to that is the heavy-handed and ugly inking and then the awkwardly executed tones in part one, and you have one gigantic mess.

Oh, and the terrible dialogue doesn't help any either.

Episode 316 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 17-31

Episode 316: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 17-31

She beat up his men, broke up his arms deal, defeated his pet supervillains, crank called his office, slashed his tires, spammed his inbox and ran a leaf blower outside his mother's house at two in the morning.

The Amazing Star-Spider might actually be continuing! That's right, it's time for shadowy people to stand around in nondescript surroundings and vaguely introduce other indistinct characters. Meanwhile our heroine sort of fights crime, arguably battles bad guys and might actually fall in love if you want to be really creepy about it. However the real action comes when her new mysterious mentor (hint: not Hawkman) uncovers the most shocking and radical thing he can - a plot! That's right, our villain plans to... stand around in nondescript surroundings and vaguely introduce other indistinct characters, it seems. So join us for what promises to be the abrupt conclusion of The Amazing Star-Spider... Or is it?


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 315 - Warrior Nun Areala versus Razor - Deceiver

Episode 315: Warrior Nun Areala versus Razor - Deceiver

He's a grizzled old cop who as seen too much. She's a leather-clad killer who is driven by vengeance. It's an odd choice for a RomCom, but not entirely unwelcome either.

There are few things more nineties then 'Bad Girl' comics, featuring massively endowed, under-dressed women who all apparently suffer from severe spinal trauma. But when you have a crossover between two of them, then it gets really silly (and possibly even 'xtreeeeeem'). That's exactly what happens when Warrior Nun Areala (Wielder of the Sword of Catholic Guilt) and Razor (Your basic stabby psychotic stripper) encounter each other and, because the comic has no plot otherwise, fight in a battle to decide who's costume is more blatantly fetishy. But it's not all fun and games and splayed crotch leaping as evil is afoot and something that resembles a story is happening, forcing our two anti-heroines to put aside their differences, work together and beat people up while they're in the bathroom. It's paint by numbers crossover only with more sweaty priests!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 314 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 5-6

Episode 314: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 5-6

Mine is a cross between a Bogmips Wimple and a Magenta Zonedweebie, with the Zorkblonker Floonburper and a full set of QQ Wompnurgles, which allows it to go fully Gronknuts with its Turgledome Squarkblork.

Not content with being the most miserable human being on the face of the planet, Kale Cassel heads to Gundam Junior Camp so he can share his misery with others and crush any love they may have ever had for anything in the universe. But it’s not all fun and games for our cruel mockery of a protagonist. Personal tragedy abounds as Kale gets a deranged stalker and Monica’s family die because she took so long in the bathroom. And so as Kale passes an important milestone on his path to manhood (hint: not Zabanya), Lyle figures out what a girl is (hint: also not Zabanya) and guest star Mister Plight does that thing that we all know he always does, we continue on our painful march to oblivion. I mean the next two chapters of the fic. Really.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Art Fails

One of the limitations of comic book MSTings is relying on the written descriptions of what's happening. This has two problems; the first is that a scene in a comic can often be hard to describe in text form, especially when it's a complicated one or involves a lot of characters, or action or the like. The second is that it means I can't really riff on the art quality. After all, I'm making a joke about the art in a way that means the reader isn't able to see what I'm joking about. It'd be like commenting on the special effects in an Ed Wood movie on the radio.

Art Fails is a new feature that will be addressing some of that. I'll be scanning selected pages or panels from some of the comics and sharing them with you in order to better illustrate some of the odder moments I've come across. They may be bad, they may be incomprehensible or they may be just plain awkward, but there's a lot to be seen.

As a way of introduction, I present a panel from League of Champions #6. I simply described this as "Kid making a weird face. I cannot describe it beyond ‘wrong’". Take a look for yourself, and see.

The Horror...

Seriously, if you can describe that face, then please explain what it's meant to be.

Episode 313 - League of Champions #6

Episode 313: League of Champions #6

Giant superhero seeks giant super villain to fight. Must have own easily breakable doomsday weapon.

A comic based on a tabletop RPG based on the superhero comic genre? It sounds like a great idea in concept but actually, that's a terrible lie. It was the eighties so go with me here. Instead what we get is the adventures of the alleged superhero team known as The Champions (Rich White Guy, Big Guy, Iceman Clone, Blonde Victim Girl, Redhead Victim Girl, Brunette Victim Girl and Senile Grandfather) as they take on the subtly named organisation DEMON (hint: they might be evil) and their leader, Lifetime Movie Of The Week Man. But that's not all, as we have a character development subplot that not only never goes anywhere but is basically forgotten within the same issue. Add in a Batman Cosplayer, a nagging Dependant NPC and a Generic Immortal Evil Sorceress and you have the regrettable experience that is the League of Champions!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 312 - Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 3-4

Episode 312: Gundam Build Fighters: Life's Gunpla Battle Championship MkII, chapters 3-4

Yes, you have to take part in a sport that you've dedicated your life to anyway for the sake of a girl who clearly likes you. Suck it up, princess.

Getting to take the day off school because a pair of big names from the sport-like substance you’ve dedicated your life to have come to visit in order to heap praise upon you sounds like a great deal, doesn’t it? Unless you’re Kale “I Like Zabanya” Cassel, in which case it’s just another bleak drudgery that the universe has chosen to heap upon him that he will complain endlessly about. Between that, his being considered at the top of his sport, a girl loving him unconditionally for no real reason and the entire universe arranging itself for his convenience, life is obviously one never ending cycle of bleak misery. But on, the upside, people do get to talk about what parts their plastic toy robots are made out of, and in the end, that’s what’s good in life.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 311 - The Death Games, chapters 1-3

Episode 311: The Death Games, chapters 1-3

My name is Eggs-Over-Easy Boy, I'm 18 years old and I'm from the planet Eggs-Over-Easy.

He must have Eggs-Over-Easy powers.

Happy Hunger Death games! Every year, the Capital Alien invaders select a tribute from each of the twelve districts planets to compete for glory. This year, District Twelve Earth sends the heroic young Katniss Everdeen Nightwing who volunteered to save her sister his adoptive brother. She He travels to the far off Captial Imperial Star Destroyer under the direction of the powerful game makers alien overlords Ki, Ga and Wo to meet a variety of colourful competitors from other districts worlds. And while she he will make deadly enemies, Katniss Nightwing will also find an alliance, and possibly more, with Peeta Phoenix Shadow. If you love Battle Royale Hunger Games Avengers Arena Girl on Fire the latest generic teen lit phenomenon derivative fanfic that's basically crossing out the words and replacing them with new ones scrawled in crayon, then this is the fic for you!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster