Episode 439 - Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 6-17

Episode 439: Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 6-17

The worst part of a Zombie apocalypse is the lack of proper signage

The X-Men need to deal with a guy who can explode! Then there’s a girl having nightmares! And now the Silver Samurai! And it’s the future and they need to send a message back to the past! And Polaris is there! And so is Karai, who has teamed up with Magneto for no real reason! And, yes, much to my surprise, there are indeed zombies! All of this can only mean one thing; that’s right, the fic’s run out of ideas and is throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. And given that the only thing it can stick to is April and Logan being stupidly horny for each other, I’m not sure that it’s a bad thing. So get your katana and cheap beer for more Mutants versus Zombies. It’s got zaniness and/or hijinks

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 438 - Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 1-5

Episode 438: Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 1-5

It’s just one of those things you know, he’s hit a wall and every way he looks at it, the only thing that’ll help is a telekinetic ninja.

It’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crossover without any actual ninja turtles, and a Zombie fic without any actual zombies. So then what does it have? Mostly Logan staring creepily at Possession Sue April O’Neil as everyone points out that she’s just like Jean Grey to the point that you wonder why the fic didn’t just use Jean instead in the first place. So while Professor X is missing, Storm tries to blow up Africa and Cyclops... just kind of exists, we spend most of the fic instead focused on two people best defined as ‘dumb and horny’. So strap on Cerebro for Mutants Versus Zombies. It’s based off an X-Men cartoon! No, not that one. No, not the other one either.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 383 - Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 16-19

Episode 383: Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 16-19

Derek’s main role here seems to be “Wikipedia.”

The tension ramps up as forces that include superhumans, gods and alien robots clash in an epic battle for control of one abandoned school in Iowa. Will Derek’s beloved childhood memories survive? Can Derek spend more time expositing at Captain America? Will Black Widow get out of the funk she’s been in since Derek got lightly hurt? Will Hawkeye actually ever do anything? And are there any actual Transformers in this Transformers/Avengers crossover? You may well ponder these questions (well, you probably won’t) but fear not, for the fic won’t give you any sort of answer and instead just gives up the will to live. Throw in ‘sad Loki in prison’ scene #4,691, a completely stupid plot twist and a bit more about Derek (of course!) and you’ll be finally done with Transformers Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 382 - Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 11-15

Episode 382: Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 11-15

It’s like if a Bill Bryson travelogue accidentally crashed into an action movie.

Have you ever found yourself needing to know the layout of an abandoned high school in the middle of Iowa? Well fret not, because Derek is here to save your one very specific problem! What does he do besides having that one talent that is largely redundant in the modern age of instantly available information? Very little. But everyone seems to make him the centre of attention anyway, so clearly there’s something important about him. It’s almost like he’s the author’s OC or something. Meanwhile in non-Derek related matters, people get off planes, park cars and drive slowly across the countryside! So strap in for the third part of this wild, thrill-a-minute ride! (Plus there’s the outside chance that there might be some giant alien shapechanging robots).


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 381 - Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 6-10

Episode 381: Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 6-10

Rhodes and Epps work under so many levels of operational secrecy that they have to get presidential clearance to go to each others’ birthday parties.

Gigantic shape-changing alien robots at war for millions of years! Beings with powers far beyond those of mere mortals who fight to protect the earth! Together, these two groups will attend meetings! Are you thrilled yet, because I know I am! That’s right, having spent half a dozen chapters introducing characters, we get to see them stand around and talk to each other, exposit their backstories and teleconference! I can tell you’re as excited as I am for these developments, but that’s not all that happens in this action-packed chunk of fic. We’re introduced to a new character who has a skill that will be vital to the action to come: he knows about one small town in Iowa! Are you excited, because I know I’m not!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 380 - Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 1-5

Episode 380: Transformers Earth's Mightiest Heroes, chapters 1-5

It was a normal sort of day on the flying invisible aircraft carrier.

Giant robots have invaded the Earth, going to war with each other! Super-powered beings clash for control of mankind while repelling alien invasions! And yet, somehow these two groups are completely unaware of each other’s existence despite several cities blowing up and a massive alien planet hanging over them for some time. However, if you can put that minor plot hole aside, you might just have a rollicking good time with Transformers Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, a fic which basically has its entire premise right there in the title. So sit back while Optimus Prime tells Captain America about how the evil infiltrator Bob fought Nick Fury, two identical guys with near identical names fight and the fact that cars are a rare sight in Germany in this crossover fic thingamajig. Warning: contains evil scary faces!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Episode 356 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 46-49

Episode 356: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 46-49

And so, sitting in a cafe in Brooklyn, in full costume with a cup of hot chocolate, looking for a random guy in a city of millions, Teresa began to question her life choices.

The day has finally arrived. The day that the Amazing Star-Spider actually finishes off a plotline. I know, I know. I’m as surprised as you are. But after meandering pointlessly for fourty-five (yes, fourty-five. I know) chapters, it seems the fic can actually go somewhere and do something for once. Of course it’s not all smooth sailing, as we’ve got the random digression chapter (featuring villain set-up and new girl introduction, neither of which will ever go anywhere) and the return of intrusive author’s notes (complete with demanding readers tell them how to write their own fic) a new plot that will remain unfinished and, because it’s this fic and it loves you, its ickiest and creepiest moments yet. In short, despite daring to actually accomplish something, it’s more of everything you’ve come to hate about the Amazing Star-Spider!

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 353 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 40-45

Episode 353: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 40-45

Oh come on, you rip off one guy’s face and nobody ever lets you live it down.

It’s time for more of The Amazing Star-Spider! But what does this section bring, you may ask? Well, if you’re a fan of dropped plots, then this is the fic for you. That’s right, it starts not one, not two but three brand-new plotlines without any thought of the story left by the wayside. And if you like teenage angst, then this is the fic for you. You can sit back and enjoy as Teresa moans and whines her head off about the sudden shocking and senseless twist in her life that’s brushed over and forgotten in seconds. And if you’re a fan of creepy women leering at other creepy women, then this is definitely the fic for you. Not only does it have more of the worst love interest ever, but we’ve got a whole new barely-described beauty to make you feel uncomfortable and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. If this is what you want in a fanfic, then The Amazing Star-Spider is for you! And if this fic is for you – seek help, please.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 340 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 32-39

Episode 340: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 32-39

It’s like this whole fic is a competition to see who’s the biggest creep.

Ah, young love. Young, abusive love. Yes, it’s time for of The Amazing Star Spider and her creepy manipulative stalker flirtatious feline femme fatale. But it’s also time for Teresa to meet her new instantly appearing girlfriend. Yes, it’s not enough for her every stepped to be dogged by an obsessive madwoman, but our Star-Spider also finds a new love, almost literally flying into her life at breakneck speed. And you won’t believe which mutant it is that shacks up with our heroine, largely because they bear no resemblance to the original character whatsover. Sure, there may be something about a gang war (isn’t there always), and Crime-Master is still shouting, oh and she might have mutilated somebody in cold blood. But what really matters is that our lead is getting laid in the worst way possible. So come on in and find new ways not to enjoy The Amazing Star-Spider!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 328 - All because of a Snow Day

Episode 328: All because of a Snow Day

I'll sit here alone wearing nothing but a shirt in a girls' dormitory room. Can't wait to explain myself when I'm inevitably discovered.

It's not easy being Spider-Man. You've got to deal with a job, schoolwork, family pressures, your own rogues gallery, random attacks from the Juggernaut and being abducted by the X-Men. And that's why a teleporting mutant who forgets she can teleport decides that he needs to be paired up with the first person on hand, who just happens to be X-23. Oh sure, they've got nothing in common. And yes, he's got a bad history with clones. And okay, they can't even pick out a movie together. But they're young, they're pliable, and the real love interests have been conveniently shuffled aside to force along the plot. So as long as her clone dad doesn't kill them and the telepath doesn't read anyone's mind they should be fine to stare awkwardly at each other and engage in forced comedy antics or something. Just remember that this came about All Because of a Snow Day.


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 316 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 17-31

Episode 316: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 17-31

She beat up his men, broke up his arms deal, defeated his pet supervillains, crank called his office, slashed his tires, spammed his inbox and ran a leaf blower outside his mother's house at two in the morning.

The Amazing Star-Spider might actually be continuing! That's right, it's time for shadowy people to stand around in nondescript surroundings and vaguely introduce other indistinct characters. Meanwhile our heroine sort of fights crime, arguably battles bad guys and might actually fall in love if you want to be really creepy about it. However the real action comes when her new mysterious mentor (hint: not Hawkman) uncovers the most shocking and radical thing he can - a plot! That's right, our villain plans to... stand around in nondescript surroundings and vaguely introduce other indistinct characters, it seems. So join us for what promises to be the abrupt conclusion of The Amazing Star-Spider... Or is it?


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 307 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 1-16

Episode 307: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 1-16

Spider-Sense here. I know what you’re thinking, super tracking ain’t my usual gig. But I demanded a bigger role if I was gonna show in this stink-burger. Enjoy my performance! Spider-Sense out.

It's time for a visit to the spider research wing at NYU lab, but there's no sign of Peter Parker at all. Actually, there's no sign of radioactive spiders either, just rare species used for disease research because of how poisonous they are. There aren't any stars either, which is exactly why young Teresa Alovi, after gaining powers from a perfectly normal spider bite, calls herself the Amazing Star-Spider. And there's plenty of star-spidering to be done, since Uncle Ben her mother has been cut down by a purse-snatching Hobgoblin arms dealer. So she sets out to find the D-list Spider-Villain responsible, fighting her way through Spider-Villains so obscure that even Spot would ask "Who?" and accidentally getting mentored a couple of times along the way. So if you want to see someone who's just like Peter Parker doing Peter Parker things, come check out The Amazing Star-Spider!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 296 – X-Men Evolution: Light-Flash

Episode 296: X-Men Evolution: Light-Flash

I keep telling you, if you go running by Wolf lake through Wolf forest in Wolf national park, that's going to happen

The fic begins, but it does not, for what is at the start is not the beginning, and the beginning is not at the start. The girl is there, and you do not understand. She is alone, and has powers, but they do not matter. There are more people, but some are not as there as the others. A question is asked; it has no answer and should not be there. Chapter has become a meaningless concept. We swim in a sea of words, unconnected and irrelevant. Nothing has happened, but the girl has ended and you do not understand.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 291 - The Sister of the Spider

Episode 291: The Sister of the Spider

It's hard to be inspiring or majestic while stuffing your face with a breakfast pastry, but dammit he's going to try.

Meet Gabrielle. No, I don't know why. Truth of the matter is, she doesn't really seem to do much. After all, she's definitely not Spider-Man's long lost sister, and is most certainly not the (supposedly) dangerous new supervillain Blackarachnia, no matter what the cameras say. Although she apparently is the Avenger's new house guest, Captain America's new girlfriend and the Red Skull's new science project. But she's got friends (who she hates), an adopted family (who she abandoned) and a whole team of superheroes who love her against all reason and probability. Some come on down and see The Sister of the Spider, and while you're at it, have some bacon waffles.


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 284 - Justice X

Episode 284: Justice X

Oh great, Sparkle Girl's hogging the teacher.

From the Hall of Justice and Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters comes an epic tale of… Well, not much, really. Actually, we’re not even sure what the Hall of Justice has to do with this; it just had “Justice League/X-Men Crossover” on the nameplate and mentioned the Wonder Twins, but that’s about it. What it does have however is Rebekah Wayne (AKA Sparkle Girl), vaguely related to some guy called Bruce (nobody important). Possibly a Mutant or a Bang Baby, she has the power to distort characterization and generate a black hole of attention from which no plotline can escape. So join Wolverine, Wonder Woman, Professor X, Detective Ellen Yin (who?) and Katherine Xavier nobody else that matters as they stand mutely in witness of Sparkle Girl vs The Wonder Twins!

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 270 - Lena Frost Wagner, Astonishing X-Men

Episode 270: Lena Frost Wagner, Astonishing X-Men

Suddenly, without warning, another scene breaks out.

In the world of Lena Frost Wagner, Astonishing X-Men*, not all is as it seems. Actually, we're not sure how things are meant to be. Certainly, the fic isn't going to let us in on anything. All we can piece together is that Nightcrawler and the White Queen have a daughter (and possibly a son) who's attending the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning, where she's majoring in drama and crying. Apparently she's friends with random mutants, might or might not be a telepath and kinda sorta has three clone half-sisters and an alien bug thing for a boyfriend. Also there's a box from another universe, the Phoenix (maybe), the danger room, a highly confused Sentinel, the United Kingdom (it exists), possibly a group of Exiles and, oh yeah, everyone you know and love is dead. I think. I'm not sure. If you can understand what's going on here, good luck to you, because you're doing better than the fic is.

*Yes, that's the actual title.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 234 - Green Lantern Regenisis and Spider-Girl Begins

Episode 234: Green Lantern Regenisis and Spider-Girl Begins

We can pretty much assume J. Jonah Jameson will call her a menace.

More Green Lantern Regenisis! That’s right, it’s time for Cassidy to go to school with Haley at her side. And what makes school complete? How about an ineffectual and one-dimensional bully to go with her one-dimensional friend? How about an utterly pointless cameo to justify the fic? How about the return of the killer who – wait, those aren’t Cassidy’s parents! No, they’re the parents of Vanessa Thorne, an almost identical character in an almost identical fic, just with Green Lantern scratched out and Spider-Man scrawled in crayon. But never fear, fans of Gruud; there’s more Regenisis too! In fact, it’s the bit that should have been in the last one, but is on top of this one instead. Just be sure to stick around when Green Lantern Regenisis is done, because then Spider-Girl Begins!

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster