Episode 439 - Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 6-17

Episode 439: Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 6-17

The worst part of a Zombie apocalypse is the lack of proper signage

The X-Men need to deal with a guy who can explode! Then there’s a girl having nightmares! And now the Silver Samurai! And it’s the future and they need to send a message back to the past! And Polaris is there! And so is Karai, who has teamed up with Magneto for no real reason! And, yes, much to my surprise, there are indeed zombies! All of this can only mean one thing; that’s right, the fic’s run out of ideas and is throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. And given that the only thing it can stick to is April and Logan being stupidly horny for each other, I’m not sure that it’s a bad thing. So get your katana and cheap beer for more Mutants versus Zombies. It’s got zaniness and/or hijinks

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 438 - Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 1-5

Episode 438: Mutants versus Zombies, chapters 1-5

It’s just one of those things you know, he’s hit a wall and every way he looks at it, the only thing that’ll help is a telekinetic ninja.

It’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crossover without any actual ninja turtles, and a Zombie fic without any actual zombies. So then what does it have? Mostly Logan staring creepily at Possession Sue April O’Neil as everyone points out that she’s just like Jean Grey to the point that you wonder why the fic didn’t just use Jean instead in the first place. So while Professor X is missing, Storm tries to blow up Africa and Cyclops... just kind of exists, we spend most of the fic instead focused on two people best defined as ‘dumb and horny’. So strap on Cerebro for Mutants Versus Zombies. It’s based off an X-Men cartoon! No, not that one. No, not the other one either.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Art Fail: Nineties comics were a bit silly, weren’t they?

 From Razor versus Warrior Nun Areala - Faith

Warning: cartoony graphic violence

Episode 437 - Storm Force: K-Squad

Episode 437: Storm Force: K-Squad

Porcupine has to share a locker room with Magnus. After that, there’s nothing you can do or say to frighten him

They’ve fought mutant spider goons, a man wearing a suit that was permanently on fire, a Zombie with a nuclear arsenal and a robot wizard. After all that, half a dozen guys with guns seems somewhat irrelevant as opponents and a somewhat anticlimactic conclusion. But here we are at the end of Battle as Storm Force fight for survival against declining sales and editorial mandates. And with nothing to lose, our brave band of designated heroes prepare for the fight of their lives to see if they will make the jump to Eagle or end up forgotten in the bottom of a filing cabinet somewhere. So grab your machine gun, your pit full of landmines and the stick of dynamite you always keep on you for emergencies for Storm Force. This is a big news issue!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Matt Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 436 - Cross in the Light, chapters 11-24

Episode 436: Cross in the Light, chapters 11-24

…so he merged with the others to make Big Powered and they used the Rainbow Powered Attack to destroy Violengiguar and used the power of the Zodiac to revive the tenth planet…

Remember when Cross in the Light had a mysterious group of humans wearing giant robot suits who were capturing Transformers for unknown reasons? Me either, which is fine as it’s instead decided to turn into cheap teen drama with a vaguely robot theme. And the most important part of this alien robot war is to ensure that Jamie is happy at all times, which given that she’s a super-strong firebender with the ability to travel through dimensions and has a mutant healing factor might be a good move. And so as Thanksgiving is ruined and ice-skating is considered, Cross in the Light continues to spin its wheels to the point where you could sleep through chunks of it and miss nothing. I’m unexcited!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 435 - Cross in the Light, chapters 1-10

Episode 435: Cross in the Light, chapters 1-10

The line between innuendo and incompetence is hard to define.

This fic is about the Autobot Crosshairs. No, actually, it’s about his long-lost sister Lightning Flares. No, scratch that, it’s actually about Rangeblade, a Decepticon who’s reassessing her life choices. No, forget all that, it’s actually about Jamie. Who is Jamie, you might ask? Well the fic doesn’t really help there, but we do learn that she can sense Transformers, has a mutant healing factor and can bend the fabric of time, space and reality to her will and as such it’s vitally important that she’s happy at all times despite the fact that she seems to generate drama as she goes. It’s certainly not about a mysterious group of guys in robot suits, even though that’s probably more interesting. So leave no dentist behind for the first part of Cross in the Light. Almost featuring Hound. Almost.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 434 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 19-21

Episode 434: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 19-21

You know what, forget it. You two chuckleheads get the kitchen airborne, I’ll be over here drinking myself into oblivion.

It’s time to bid fond farewells to all your favourite characters such as Stark, Bruge, Remi, Remi’s Dad, Vald, Uziel, Tundra, Lexe, Krimson Krullos, General Automoose, Harris, Zephyr, Marcus, Zozos, Teal, Ferrel, Peterson, Euriphades, Thaemos, Katsults, Zartols, Simon, Heavy, Royal, Salle, Gerge, Velvette, Spiner, Zartols, Ms Keratin, Mr Barnon, Jo, The Spicy Threesome, AMD Double-Barrelled 30mm Beam Cannon and Kenji as we auger in the flaming wreckage of the fic. But even as it gives up the will to live it still manages to surprise us all by undercutting its entire premise in the final chapter in a plot twist that’s so stupid that you have to stop and think about all the elements that would need to come together to make it happen in the first place. So fly your underground bunker off into the sunset for the last part of the non-conclusion of Zoids Battle Saga. It’s got monkeys!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 433 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 16-18

Episode 433: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 16-18

Yeah, I mean we keep telling Jim not to pull of his face like a mask and strip the jailer naked, but there he goes again.

Years ago, Stark swore that he would get vengeance on the one man responsible for the destruction of his beloved peasant village. And now, after a dozen chapters of messing around, introducing pointless characters and side-plots that go nowhere, that day has arrived. Naturally of course the fic then completely fluffs it and instead brings in even more pointless characters, but if you’ve gotten this far you probably expect that by now. But what you really are here for is the tragic backstory of some random wandering desert lunatic and the hilariously named trio of incompetents who wander into the scene for the simple sake of it, as it’s by far the best part of the fic so far. So have some tea and North American-exclusive toy variants for the next section of Zoids Battle Saga. It’s… spicy.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 432 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 14-15

Episode 432: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 14-15

Do you want his actual story, or his feverish delusional story? Because fair warning, the second one is a lot more fun.

Remember when this fic was about Stark and his quest to do stuff? Me either, really. Now it’s about Tundra being evil and… no, wait, forget that. In fact, just forget Tundra full stop. Instead it’s about Ferrel Hawkins who is some wandering guy who goes around killing other guys for reasons we can only guess at. Or maybe it’s about Vald who, having spent eleven years staring at a hole in the ground has decided to move on with his life to be a blood-soaked killing machine. Or not, because who can tell anything at all with this fic? I know I can’t. So get comfy in your absurdly large base with a nice hot bowl of rock soup for the next segment of Zoids Battle Saga. It’s got stuff. We think.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 431 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 11-13

Episode 431: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 11-13

Your onomatopoeia is undercutting your drama

Life’s not easy for Kenji. There’s a girl he likes, he has problems with bullies at school and an abusive gym teacher, his parents are clearly in trouble and trying to hide it from him and there is a mysterious group who are trying to take over his peaceful home town. You might then ask, what does any of this have to do with the rest of the fic? That’s a very good question, actually, one to which it never provides anything that even remotely resembles an answer. But yet we have a huge block of it in the middle of the fic anyway for no real reason whatsoever. So guzzle some prune juice for the next chunk of Zoids Battle Saga. Now with less context!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 430 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 7-10

Episode 430: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 7-10

And so the evil empire attacked and saved us from Stark’s wangst. Thanks, evil Empire.

After eleven years of digging a hole in the desert, Vald has discovered a mysterious underground village populated by a previously civilisation. And while this was the single moment he had dedicated his entire life to, he’s also completely irrelevant to it. Instead it’s all about Stark, with him being presented to the magical exposition fairy who gives him both a generic quest and a McGuffin to help him along the way. In the meantime, Marcus does stuff, Tundra loses the plot and generic bad guys are generically evil, but to be honest, do you actually care about any of them? So steal some donuts for the second chunk of Zoids Battle Saga. Now with even more references to toy lines you’ve never heard of!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 429 - Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 1-6

Episode 429: Zoids Battle Saga, chapters 1-6

That’s what we’ve been missing from our fic reviews. Long lists of what plastic toy dinosaur everybody has

Catastrophes have rendered Earth uninhabitable, and mankind’s only hope is a deep-space colonisation ship hurtling towards an unknown planet. But the sudden death of the captain has thrown the crew into chaos, putting the mission and the fate of humanity at risk. What will happen? Well it doesn’t matter as none of this has anything to do with the fic at all, but it’s all front-loaded in the infodump anyway. What it’s actually about is Stark the Generic Protagonist and his quest to fulfil a mystic destiny, which coincidentally, was also in the opening infodump. So grab yourself an old-timey prospector and look out for Shali-Halud (he whose passage makes the world) for the first part of Zoids Battle Saga. We’ll be here a while

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 428 - Tale of the Nighthawk, chapters 4-7

Episode 428: Tale of the Nighthawk, chapters 4-7

And so they did their ties long into to the night. And as the Earth span slowly and the stars grew cold, still there they were, trying to get her tie right.

Get your wildly inappropriate school bell ready because it’s time for more fast-paced action in Tale of the Nighthawk. And what a tale we have for you! Thrill as a schoolgirl gets stared at! Gasp in shock as she learns to do up her tie! And who could be seated during the awesome tickle fight? Yes, all this and texting! We’ve got absolutely none of the excitement that you expect from a The Batman fic, but we’re going to follow this cast around until we can figure out why! And in and shocking twist that you’ll never see coming, Batman almost appears in a The Batman fanfic! It’s the Tale of the Nighthawk, but we don’t know why!

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 427 - Storm Force: Operation Mole Machine, parts 5-9

Episode 427: Storm Force: Operation Mole Machine, parts 5-9

To reiterate the point, a man on a hang-glider is shooting spiders at people. Yes, this is entirely serious

As Magnus remains in a state of total brain malfunction due to a spider bite and female operative Stiletto is once again effortlessly kidnapped, heroic combat leader John Storm (and maybe those other three guys) race against time to stop half-man, half-spider terrorist leader from drilling into their secret underground lair. And yes, this entirely serious, why do you ask? But first they must overcome the dreaded jet-powered remote-controlled spider bomb and face the might of Pinky-Puff, the terror of Harrow Lane. Will they succeed? Probably. Will the status quo be reset as if nothing happened? Of course. It’s Storm Force, so what did you expect? So get your tea and biscuits and pick your best weapon arm for Operation Mole Machine. Also featuring a non-machine mole!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Matt Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year nine

Year nine of the Rebuild of Elmer Studios was one of those strange moments where things took completely unexpected turn. We’ve now completely overtaken the original iteration by a considerable degree, even allowing for spin-offs, side projects, collaborations, lost episodes and the like. And that’s only going to increase.

In the last year we finished twenty-three episodes, an increase over past years. There may have been mitigating circumstances that did prompt that increase in productivity; something to do with us and the rest of the world being stuck indoors with nothing better to do with their times. It’s not quite the fabled two episodes per month I’d wanted, but it’s about as close as it’s ever going to get.

Episode 426 - Washed Up City

Episode 426: Washed Up City

When your hostage is more worried about watering her potplants than you, you’ve probably done something wrong.

After his father is exploded in a nuclear reactor accident, young Darren Dylan Hendrix gains water powers because it’s a superhero story and that’s how things work. Armed with these new abilities he decides to pursue and creep on one girl, even though she is a plant-based ecoterrorist and wanted by the law, but that doesn’t seem to bother him any. Armed with his new powers, an elaborately over-designed hazmat suit and a giggle-worthy nickname, Waterspout might even find time from annoying his fake girlfriend to find who was behind his father’s death. But don’t bet on it. Throw in the obligatory Arkham breakout and a few spare origin stories and you have the chunk of fiction that is Washed Up City.

PS: Batgirl fic coming soon

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 425 - This is my Life, chapters 7-12

Episode 425: This is my Life, chapters 7-12

Yay evil, I guess.

Remember how global warming was going to cause the Earth to explode (and render guinea pigs extinct) and how mad scientists were kidnapping people to turn them into Transformers as a result? No? Me neither. But that’s okay, because the fic doesn’t either. In fact, it pretty much abandons its own premise in favour of some soap opera romance and drama with the occasional giant space robot war thrown in for good measure. Meanwhile in the B-plot, we also have some more soap opera romance and drama and some light reconstructive surgery to boot. So gather around and turn into a Corolla for the approximation of a conclusion to This is my Life. Now with beds!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 424 - This is my Life, chapters 1-6

Episode 424: This is my Life, chapters 1-6

The scientists were the people who told the people that were not the scientists what would happen if they did not follow the advice of the scientists who were scientists.

Welcome to the future where global warming means that guinea pigs are extinct, the price of chocolate has gone up and humans may spontaneously burst into flames. In order to prevent this incendiary outcome, a group of scientists have taken to kidnapping people and turning them into robots because science, really. But after their first successful experiment, Katherine ‘Totally Not Bella’ Swann escapes what are they to do? If you guess is “do it again and see what happens,” then you’re pretty much on the mark. So sit back, relax, casually blow up a city and list car brands for the first portion of This is my Life. It’s vaguely dystopian. Very vaguely.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 423 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 9-13

Episode 423: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 9-13

Flashback to Alex and his team, frolicking in a field, Gundam kits in hand.

Having escaped with their lives from the robot zombie army, Fayt and Rosa Fubuki are now stranded on their own far from help. Not only must they find their way to safety, but they also need to face the very real threat of the breach and the imminent collapse of all time, space and reality in on itself. The pair of them have to figure out how to stop this threat on their own, all while grappling with the ship’s diminishing soda supply and the real question of how the hell you are meant to actually use a hexagonal tablet anyway. Oh, and there’s also some guy called Alex who might be a Gundam Fighter, but really, who cares about him? So get your Vocaloid lyrics and leer at your stepsister’s friend’s mom for the last part of Build Fighters: Next – Kai. Now with some sort of tournament arc, maybe.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 422 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 5-8

Episode 422: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 5-8

We now join you with today’s chapter of ‘Fayt does nothing,’ in which much to the chagrin of his crew, Fayt does nothing.

Given a week to get to know his new family and bond with them as well as the opportunity to see more of Japan, Alex Leongard instead opts to write his fanfic, sexually harass his step-sister and spend his day at the mall because that’s the sort of awful person he is. Naturally his foster family bend over backward to accommodate him at every step because he’s the star of the fic. Meanwhile, the fic within a fic continues to be more interesting while having the ever so slight chance of a robot zombie apocalypse and possibly all of space and time collapsing in on itself, so I guess there is that. So put a warning sign on the bathroom door and brace yourselves for the endless mall sequence in the next part of Gundam Build Fighters: Next - Kai. There might even be a story if you squint.

PS: Please send OCs

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 421 - Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 1-4

 Episode 421: Build Fighters: Next - Kai, chapters 1-4

Nothing like the combination of exhaustion, depression, spraypaints and sharp implements

Meet Alex Leongard. Not only is he an amateur sportsman who’s good enough to turn pro, but he gets to go to Tokyo to live out an anime fantasy life, complete with a bevy of Manic Pixie Dream Girls who are falling over themselves to validate his hobbies and interests and be completely supportive of everything he does. So naturally he’s a whiny, self-indulgent little snot who spends all his time complaining about how unfair life is and having awkward conversations with bigfoot his dad. And if that’s not enough, we’re also reading a fanfic about people writing a fanfic, and I can’t think of anything more meta and less exciting than that. So bury your dreams and get a beta-reader for the first chunk of Build Fighters Next Kai. Features intense model purchasing action!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.