Episode 464 - Millennium City Magic

Episode 464: Millennium City Magic

Which logically means that Lucius Malfoy is built on less character points than Talisman or Black Paladin

This fic gets off to a flying start when a bunch of nine-year-old kids are locked up in a fully-stocked police armoury for their own safety, and yet it only manages to get stupider from there. For one of those kids is Harry Potter and the armoury contains a ridiculously advanced suit of experimental armour with a huge arsenal at its disposal, which means that you know things are going to end well. Next thing you know, the Boy Who Lived is flying around, doing tutorial quests and throwing senior citizens across the room, but it’s all okay since his godfather will throw money at problems to make them go away. So get your Qualaar beacons and your speed chart for Millennium City Magic. Now with added Grond!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 460 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 12-13

Episode 460: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 12-13

And this is why stupid people should not be allowed near operating theatres

Pack Rat has completed his lifelong goal of revenge. Doctor Medford is dead, his base destroyed and his army of killer catgirls are no more. Which is a bit of a problem given that we’re only halfway through the fic, making you wonder what it’s actually going to do next. If you’d guessed ‘gripping medical drama’ then you’d be pleasantly surprised. But if you’d also guessed ‘Pack Rat continues to be a whiny creep’ then, well, you got that one right as well. So head on up to the airship with your bigfoot drugs and your fruit smoothies for the conclusion to Pack Rat – Sins of the Father. Or is it?!

Actually, yes, it is.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 459 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 7-11

Episode 459: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 7-11

Leave him alone with drugs and a loaded gun. Great work there, Bigfoot.

The unamazing adventures of Pack Rat continue as he takes drugs, oggles catgirls, broods, counts his guns and pauses only to wonder why he’s still single. Having penetrated the lair of the cartoonishly evil terrorists he reaches his goal only to be shocked by a plot twist that is not only very predictable but is also so incredibly stupid that it undermines the rest of the fic. Will Pack Rat escape? Will the Huntresses not be acutely useless? Will Ken anything? Get your fold-up rocket launcher and your free Canadian healthcare for another amazing round of Pack Rat – Sins of the Father and maybe you’ll find out. But probably not.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 458 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 1-6

Episode 458: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 1-6

The mysterious alien visitor from beyond known as... Ken.

The only thing standing between evil snake-themed supertech terrorists and world domination is a team consisting of Rat Fink, Edgelord the Werewolf, Future Space Lizardman and someone’s Undertale OC. Which means that we’re probably in a lot of trouble, not that it really matters for this fic. What it’s mostly about is the titular rat man hiding out in his basement, building bombs, polishing his guns, brooding, plotting revenge, being generally hostile to everyone around him and wondering why nobody likes him. So load up your oversized compensation revolver, grab some health packs and smash some outdoor furniture for Pack Rat – Sins of the Father. Warning, contains stupid sexy catboys.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Art Fails

One of the limitations of comic book MSTings is relying on the written descriptions of what's happening. This has two problems; the first is that a scene in a comic can often be hard to describe in text form, especially when it's a complicated one or involves a lot of characters, or action or the like. The second is that it means I can't really riff on the art quality. After all, I'm making a joke about the art in a way that means the reader isn't able to see what I'm joking about. It'd be like commenting on the special effects in an Ed Wood movie on the radio.

Art Fails is a new feature that will be addressing some of that. I'll be scanning selected pages or panels from some of the comics and sharing them with you in order to better illustrate some of the odder moments I've come across. They may be bad, they may be incomprehensible or they may be just plain awkward, but there's a lot to be seen.

As a way of introduction, I present a panel from League of Champions #6. I simply described this as "Kid making a weird face. I cannot describe it beyond ‘wrong’". Take a look for yourself, and see.

The Horror...

Seriously, if you can describe that face, then please explain what it's meant to be.

Episode 313 - League of Champions #6

Episode 313: League of Champions #6

Giant superhero seeks giant super villain to fight. Must have own easily breakable doomsday weapon.

A comic based on a tabletop RPG based on the superhero comic genre? It sounds like a great idea in concept but actually, that's a terrible lie. It was the eighties so go with me here. Instead what we get is the adventures of the alleged superhero team known as The Champions (Rich White Guy, Big Guy, Iceman Clone, Blonde Victim Girl, Redhead Victim Girl, Brunette Victim Girl and Senile Grandfather) as they take on the subtly named organisation DEMON (hint: they might be evil) and their leader, Lifetime Movie Of The Week Man. But that's not all, as we have a character development subplot that not only never goes anywhere but is basically forgotten within the same issue. Add in a Batman Cosplayer, a nagging Dependant NPC and a Generic Immortal Evil Sorceress and you have the regrettable experience that is the League of Champions!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Rick R.

Episode 304 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapter 7 and The Dark Warrior

Episode 304: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapter 7 and The Dark Warrior

Sure she stripped him, drugged him, revealed his secret identity and broke into his hideout, but she wrote him a note afterwards, and that's what matters.

A mysterious new vigilante has come to Gotham city, vexing Batman at every turn. Everywhere she goes, questions follow in her wake. Where does she come from? What does she want? Who thought the Dark Warrior was a good codename anyway? Why is she wearing high heels? And why is she sniffing Batman's underwear? Even Batman's advanced investigation technique of asking her the same question over and over again cannot prevail. Still, there's villains to fight (for some reason) a party to attend (for even less reason) and a model to woo who is TOTALLY NOT THE SECRET IDENTITY OF THE DARK WARRIOR SO STOP ASKING ALREADY. There may also be magical girls, some ancient scrolls, and a bad-arse drill sergeant cat, but definitely not Tim.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 283 - Angels of Fury, part 2

Episode 283: Angels of Fury, part 2

Child genius becomes disillusioned with the world. Doomsday weapons can be the only logical next step

Warning: Contains descriptions of child abuse

Nothing says ‘Superhero Role-Play Happy Fun Times’ more than a big ol’ content warning like that at the front, does it? And with that, you know it’s more of the Angels of Fury, a superhero group not at all defined by the creepy fetishes of their creators, no siree bob. Still, in there we do have some ‘unique’ origin stories as the girl who got powers from performing black magic rituals with the Large Hadron Collider, the failed archeologist with the power to turn pink, the hobo squatter enchantress, the alien with the power to make gay robots horny, the invisible French girl (from England) and Generic Odious Child Genius. (Sadly there’s no Kung Fu Wizard, but that won’t stop us from forcing the gag anyway). So sit back, sacrifice small animals to elder gods, build doomsday devices out of household goods and pretend to enjoy the show!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Damien Hawker, Kari Montero and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: KayEmm and Rick R.

Episode 282 - Angels of Fury, part 1

Episode 282: Angels of Fury, part 1

Well there was a weighty and improbable origin story for you

From out of nowhere, a guest riffer appears bringing with them the gift of terrible role-play biographies! And what could be better than the quality origin stories of the Angels of Fury, an all-female group from Champions Online that is not made up entirely of men pretending to be women on the internets at all? Well, most things, really, but that won’t stop us anyway! Instead, we get to enjoy the fantastic origin stories of Doctor Dragon Kung Fu Cop Girl, Generic Robot Girl (with many backpacks), Time Travelling Space Girl (who can’t use punctuation properly), Creepy Japanese Schoolgirl and Idiot Daughter Who’s Married to Carol Danvers on the Astral Plane, um, Girl as they form a staggeringly inept group that stand for truth, justice and ERPing in Penthouse Hideouts. It’s so exciting, you’ll want to measure your estrogen levels!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Damien Hawker, Kari Montero and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: KayEmm and Rick R.

Episode 264 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 5-6

Episode 264: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 5-6

Yes, all the long, hard hours of shouting silly phrases, reciting rhymes, obeying your self-appointed leader, showers, mental intrusions, magic dinners, magic TV, magic leftovers and toiling under the merciless glare of a talking cat have come down to this one singular moment: shouting another silly phrase.

The moment you’ve all waited for has arrived! Yes, it’s the epic finale of Dreamstar and the Court of Dreams, and what a show the fic has in store for you! Um, actually that’s a good question. They’ve been training their magical powers for so long, showing off their samey attacks in repetitive training sequences, that you’d think it was time to use them against their hated foe, right? No? Well, how about the secrets of their final forms and ultimate attacks? Excited? No, me neither. Because first they’ve got to flounce around the magic castle, have some magic breakfast and forget about someone important (hint: you will too). But once all that’s done, we can get onto the action, right?

Right?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 255 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 3-4

Episode 247: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 3-4

Guest starring R. Lee Emery as Saphire the magical cat.

Alright you miserable maggots! Front and center, we've got a fic incoming! Now I know you pathetic excuses for reviewers have heard of Dreamstar and the Court of Dreams by now. You've been drilled on the dog and the shoes, and you've sat through dream after dream of whiny girls and their silly powers. But that's not all! We've got a castle now, and it's tricked out with all the magic doodads you could think of! Plus more characters who do nothing but provide transformation sequences! Most importantly, you've got the meanest, orneriest beast who ever whipped a bunch of worthless scrubs into a lethal fighting force! That's right ladies, it's Misspelt Saphire the magical critter, the hardest taskmaster you have ever seen! So get in there you dumb wretches, and pay attention! Because by the time we're done, you've got to answer me the biggest question of all: Why Tim?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 247 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 1-2

Episode 247: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 1-2

Starring such illustrious characters as Pinky Pyro, Red Rocket, Gone Fission, Iron Manx and World's Toughest Mailman.

It's an ordinary day in Med city for an ordinary girl. Sure, Allegra Powers may be the inheritor of unlimited magical power with her own realm, mystic trainers, devoted friends and a twin sister, but she has problems too. Like the attack of the 300lb canine killing machine and the torrential wave of slobber left in its wake. Or the sheer indignation of wearing high heels to school. There's also something about her power being out of control and defending the earth, but that really seems secondary. When such bothersome matters do pop up, she's charged to find a team to share her magical power with. All she's got to do is inflict horrifying nightmares on her friends and endanger the lives of innocents (and possibly the fabric of space and time), but it's all in fun right?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster