Friday, October 20, 2017

Episode 350 - Bubblegum Wars

Episode 350: Bubblegum Wars

I think “escape” is too strong a word. “Casual stroll” would better describe their getaway.

Plucked from the depths of the mid-nineties comes Bubblegum Wars, a fic whose title alone deserves no further explanation. Which is good, by the way, because sure as hell it’s not going to offer you any at all. Instead it drops you straight into the action without thought to plot, story, character, premise or plausibility in the hope that you’ll be too busy gawping like an overly-excited twelve year old to realise just how bad it is. What it does offer is Rik, the amazing new guy who… is not as stupid as his captors… I guess? Really? He’s there, and he does something, I suppose, but he does seem to be a little strangely redundant to this already threadbare plot. Throw in good old BGC Fanfic Cliché #1 (You know the one) and a setup for a sequel that never materialised and you have the sequence of ASCII characters that is Bubblegum Wars. (Great Spirit of space be with you and all that)


Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Episode 349 - The Unexpected Future, chapters 13-17

Episode 349: The Unexpected Future, chapters 13-17

Our epic conclusion in which the deadly assassin from the future is given a harsh talking to by a teenage girl.

After spending approximately six dozen chapters going nowhere at all, the Unexpected Future suddenly spasms back to life and lurches towards something that could be crudely be described as a conclusion. Yes, I know, I’m as surprised as you are. So what actually happens? Well, for starters, Deedee actually says the one thing she needed to say in order to get this whole mess started. And after one incredibly brief bit of character conflict we move into the actual finale. Wait, what? Yes, just as suddenly as the fic started it ends with something that more or less resembles a conclusion. But that’s not all! We still need to have a conclusion in order to congratulate Deedee some more on how she destroyed all of space and time in order to fulfil her personal parental fantasy. Isn’t that touching? Now she, the Biker Mice and Charley can get back to fighting Limburger like they always have.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Episode 348 - The Unexpected Future, chapters 7-12

Episode 348: The Unexpected Future, chapters 7-12

Careful. That sort of thinking leads to infinite loops, books that come from nowhere and being your own grandfather

The Unexpected Future continues with its stubborn refusal to progress, instead continuing to spin its wheels in the mud. As DeeDee continues to undercut her own mission by moping, hanging around rooftops, crying for attention and being as deliberately unhelpful as possible, the plot takes a slightly interesting twist with the arrival of the dreaded assassin from the bad future, Andy. Yes, really, we’re going to go with that. Meanwhile, in the aforesaid grim, dark dystopian future the master plan to overthrow the evil overlord is undercut by a Critical Wiccan shortage (I think I own an album by Critical Wiccan Shortage) leading to exploding bats, and yes, that’s the most sensible summary of the fic I can manage. So go steal a time machine for the next chunk of unexciting lack of momentum that is the Unexpected Future.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Episode 347 - The Unexpected Future, chapters 1-6

Episode 347: The Unexpected Future, chapters 1-6

Her plan hinged on their being very, very dumb. Fortunately, they were very obliging.

There is a new Ninja Turtle who comes from the future. She’s travelled back in time to stop April, who turns evil and takes over the world. Donnie’s her father, but he’s dead now. And before you cry about spoilers in the promo to me, bear in mind that the fic gives all this away in the author’s opening drawl. So what does that leave to actually put in the fic? Well, not very much, actually. Mostly it consists of DeeDee (the aforesaid future turtle) blurting out whatever spoiler comes to her mind while being deliberately obstructive and not doing anything to actually help accomplish her mission for six surprisingly repetitive chapters. So get yourself stuck into a narrative temporal loop, hangout with your deadbeat future dad and get out your vanishing photo for The Unexpected Future!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Episode 346 - The Death Games, chapters 10-13

Episode 346: The Death Games, chapters 10-13

Yep, that was me. Something I did sure happened just then.

After approximately six years of meandering around and talking about how amazing Shadow is, the The Death Games finally begin! Now thrust into a deadly arena to fight for their lives, the contestants can meander around and talk about how amazing Shadow is. But it’s not all light romantic banter (with a side of survival drama and maybe just a hint of child murder), as Buzz the obviously evil guy proves to be obviously evil, and starts his campaign to mildly inconvenience the other competitors. It’s just him, a group of hapless innocents and an expertly trained superhero with all the gadgets and gizmos under the sun. So come one and all and place your bets for the The Death Games!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Monday, June 26, 2017

Episode 345 - Machine Wars

Episode 345: Machine Wars

I’m okay. Also I have the essence of our living machine god in my chest.


After being unable to get onto the internet, an author writes a fanfic to post on the internet. Think about the logic of that statement for a minute, and then you’re about ready to be thrown headlong into the literary piranha tank that is Machine Wars. Assembled from reading lists of toys, this fic manages to lose coherence in the first sentence and never gets it back. And while it might lack things like plot, story, characterization, sentence structure and readability, it does give you what you all really want: long lists of character names that don’t mean anything at all. So join all your favourite characters like Smartmind, Cableye, Deathwatch, Laughing Blue Jet, Wangstmuffin, Calcule, Fuzzbox, Expositron, Black Crystal Pepsi Convoy and Franklin Delanor Roosevelt Minicon III, earl of ToejaAm as their collective rigid grill structure bears down on your unprotected cargo bay door.


Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Matt Simmons and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Rick R.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Episode 344 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

Episode 344: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

She believes in the beliefs that she believes in.

When an evil space villain calls you up to challenge you to a battle for control of the world, you know that you can trust them and believe every word that they say. I mean, it’s not like a bad guy who has kidnapped people, brainwashed them, forced them to fight against their will and threatened world peace would do anything bad or dishonest, right? But even in the off-chance that something does go wrong, you can always blow yourself up and ditch any hint of responsibility and yet be assured that everything will work out well. Yes, that’s the lessons learned from the more or less conclusion to Gundam Wing Crisis, in which Mister Bear’s army of badness fights the good guys for stuff and reasons. I got nothing beyond that, sorry.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.