Monday, January 7, 2019

Episode 378 - Storm Force: The man who stole Polaris, parts 1-4

Episode 378: Storm Force: The man who stole Polaris, parts 1-4

Status: In the middle of exploding.

Imagine that you are the editor of Battle, a comic founded on the ideals of subverting authority through war stories that were gritty and heroic, but not romantic. Now imagine that the newest story has crossed your desk. It’s about a zombie stealing nuclear missiles to take over the world, and the only people who can stop him are a group of gun-toting maniacs who drive around in a shark-shaped car shooting lasers at people. And now imagine that you’re accepting this, because you know it lets the hollow shell of your once-proud comic can stave off succumbing to the inevitable for another two months. That’s right, dear readers, we have hit peak Storm Force. It doesn’t get too much better – and worse – than this.

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Matt Simmons and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Rick R.

Monday, December 24, 2018

Episode 377 - Ready Pegasus One, chapters 9-12

Episode 377: Ready Pegasus One, chapters 9-12

They’re going to learn a valuable lesson about life. Which will piss them off, since you can’t loot it.

In a shocking turn of events, the sinister villain AoD attacks Parcival’s castle and slays him and his right-hand men, Loetrag and Mogstor. Who are these sinister villains? Actually, we have no idea at all, as they’ve basically just appeared out of nowhere. And what does this have to do with our alleged protagonists? Nothing at all. And how does it affect them? Not one iota. In fact, they continue to remain blissfully unaware as they go on treasure hunts, fight monsters and pay vast amounts of money for in-game items that they immediately throw away. So grab yourself an Almond Frost Symbiote Goo slurpee and some chicken nuggets for the utter lack of conclusion of Ready Pegasus One. Still entirely Pegasus free!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Monday, December 3, 2018

Episode 376 - Ready Pegasus One, chapters 5-8

Episode 376: Ready Pegasus One, chapters 5-8

You know what? I genuinely think that Ready Player One would have been improved with more Amtrak Wars references.

What could be more exciting than a fanfic about people playing a video game? If your answer is “a fanfic about people learning to play a video game” then you’re ready for the next poorly-defined lump of this fic. While the world has turned into a dystopian hellhole (apparently) and KFC no longer exists, our heroes learn to use magic (in a video game), watch anime (in a video game) and eat instant ramen (in a video game) before having something that could be very charitably described as a boss fight. And, um, that’s it, really. Not much else happens at all, which is amazing given the page count. So get ready for Dinosaur Synch Mode and learn how to run in a straight line for Ready Pegasus One.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Episode 375 - Ready Pegasus One, chapters 1-4

Episode 375: Ready Pegasus One, chapters 1-4

And so it was, standing in the middle of a blasted base, stuck healing a virtual wolf under threat of death that Wesley began to wonder if the OASIS was really for him.

When your school has been blown up by evil drones, your parents abducted and you’re forced to live as a fugitive then it’s obvious that your major goal is going to be becoming the best person in the world at a video game. And if that makes sense then you’re probably ready for this marvellous piece of fictive detritus in which our heroes list all their super-powers while failing to notice small details such as half their home being on fire, their vault door being blasted open and the near-dead virtual wolf bleeding out right in front of them. So grab your haptic suit (With micro-fibre crotch inlay and discrete openings), your gaming chair (inside a video game) and redundant space Lamborghini and get gunting for Ready Pegasus One!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Episode 374 - GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 6-13

Episode 374: GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 6-13

Not now, mom. My arch-nemesis is watching.

There are a number of ways you could build a team for a contest. Getting all the potential candidates to beat each other up and then decide that the last four people standing are it is probably not the best of them, but it’s what this fic has decided to go for (and hey, it worked for Storm Force). So after a dozen or so chapters of dancing robots, Allen failing at everything he does, nameless Loto pilot and the Sonic the Hedgehog Gundam being even dumber then you expected, we’re left with the team of Unlikeable Designated Protagonist, Ineffectual Brother, YouTube Celerity and That Other Guy. And then, having spent forever setting itself up, Old Wars Waged Anew suddenly stops without even having any old wars, let alone waging them anew. What does this mean? Not a lot, really.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Episode 373 - GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 1-5

Episode 373: GBF Old Wars Waged Anew, chapters 1-5

Get in, loser. We’re going Gundam Fighting.

When you have a completely unlikeable lead character who exists only to squeeze any hint of joy out of his chosen hobby while running roughshod over anyone around him, it can only mean one thing. That’s right, it’s time for another Build Fighters fanfic. But this time we’re taking a break from the usual lists of what parts everybody’s Gundam is made out of and how much Trans-Am they can do to bring in something new; that’s right it’s a crossover in the one case where you wonder if it would actually be a crossover to begin with. It’s something to ponder as you fight all the Gundam fans in Canada (all three of them), get your creepy DeviantArt OC (Do not steal) and your favourite obscure Cold War jet fighter while being abandoned at the airport for Old Wars Waged Anew.

PS: Please send characters

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.`

Friday, September 28, 2018

Episode 372 - The Death Games, chapters 17-19

Episode 372: The Death Games, chapters 17-19

He’s just being lightly stabbed in the face. Nothing to be worried about.

Screaming straight back into action from the tumultuous cliffhanger at the previous exciting instalment of The Death Games, we find our daring hero racing to the… Oh, I can’t keep this up. Really, it’s hard to make this sound exciting while keeping a straight face. I mean, sure they git into a fight – sort of, if you could call it that – but it’s not really a capital ‘F’ fight worthy of the build-up now, is it? And what do they do after? Why, they lounge around in a handy hot springs, don’t they? Sure, that’s a big change. Way to advance the plot by doing nothing there, folks. Really, it’s more of the same turgid banality we’ve come to expect of – wait what? On a what? Seriously? All this time? Oh, I give up. Chirp.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster