Episode 460 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 12-13

Episode 460: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 12-13

And this is why stupid people should not be allowed near operating theatres

Pack Rat has completed his lifelong goal of revenge. Doctor Medford is dead, his base destroyed and his army of killer catgirls are no more. Which is a bit of a problem given that we’re only halfway through the fic, making you wonder what it’s actually going to do next. If you’d guessed ‘gripping medical drama’ then you’d be pleasantly surprised. But if you’d also guessed ‘Pack Rat continues to be a whiny creep’ then, well, you got that one right as well. So head on up to the airship with your bigfoot drugs and your fruit smoothies for the conclusion to Pack Rat – Sins of the Father. Or is it?!

Actually, yes, it is.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 459 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 7-11

Episode 459: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 7-11

Leave him alone with drugs and a loaded gun. Great work there, Bigfoot.

The unamazing adventures of Pack Rat continue as he takes drugs, oggles catgirls, broods, counts his guns and pauses only to wonder why he’s still single. Having penetrated the lair of the cartoonishly evil terrorists he reaches his goal only to be shocked by a plot twist that is not only very predictable but is also so incredibly stupid that it undermines the rest of the fic. Will Pack Rat escape? Will the Huntresses not be acutely useless? Will Ken anything? Get your fold-up rocket launcher and your free Canadian healthcare for another amazing round of Pack Rat – Sins of the Father and maybe you’ll find out. But probably not.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 458 - Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 1-6

Episode 458: Pack Rat - Sins of the Father, chapters 1-6

The mysterious alien visitor from beyond known as... Ken.

The only thing standing between evil snake-themed supertech terrorists and world domination is a team consisting of Rat Fink, Edgelord the Werewolf, Future Space Lizardman and someone’s Undertale OC. Which means that we’re probably in a lot of trouble, not that it really matters for this fic. What it’s mostly about is the titular rat man hiding out in his basement, building bombs, polishing his guns, brooding, plotting revenge, being generally hostile to everyone around him and wondering why nobody likes him. So load up your oversized compensation revolver, grab some health packs and smash some outdoor furniture for Pack Rat – Sins of the Father. Warning, contains stupid sexy catboys.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 304 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapter 7 and The Dark Warrior

Episode 304: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapter 7 and The Dark Warrior

Sure she stripped him, drugged him, revealed his secret identity and broke into his hideout, but she wrote him a note afterwards, and that's what matters.

A mysterious new vigilante has come to Gotham city, vexing Batman at every turn. Everywhere she goes, questions follow in her wake. Where does she come from? What does she want? Who thought the Dark Warrior was a good codename anyway? Why is she wearing high heels? And why is she sniffing Batman's underwear? Even Batman's advanced investigation technique of asking her the same question over and over again cannot prevail. Still, there's villains to fight (for some reason) a party to attend (for even less reason) and a model to woo who is TOTALLY NOT THE SECRET IDENTITY OF THE DARK WARRIOR SO STOP ASKING ALREADY. There may also be magical girls, some ancient scrolls, and a bad-arse drill sergeant cat, but definitely not Tim.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 286 - Angels of Fury, part 3

Episode 286: Angels of Fury, part 3

I have no doubt that high school volleyball is instrumental to her crime fighting career

Warning: Contains descriptions of child abuse

You see that warning and you know what it means; that’s right more of the alleged Superheroic stories of the Angels of Fury. And as always, it doesn’t let up, no matter how much you beg and plead with it to do such. Instead we delve into the origin stories of Improperly Capitalised Narutard Girl, Cosmic Space Thingy Girl, Fake British Batwoman, Muscle Girl Fetish Lass, Electric Mutant Girl, Radioactive Cultist Girl, Gender-Bender Silver Surfer Girl, Accidentally Transgendered Inventor Lass, Real Estate Agent Woman and the one that I cannot actually find a single funny name for because I’m crying on the inside. That’s right, it’s everything you dislike about the internet, superheroes, roleplayers, Canada and volleyball all in one convenient package!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Damien Hawker, Kari Montero and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: KayEmm and Rick R.

Episode 285 - Darth Hypnus - The Invasion of Bothawui and the Final Insult

Episode 285: Darth Hypnus - The Invasion of Bothawui and the Final Insult

I mean, these are all just from the same mad lib generator, right?

As war comes to the planet BOTHAWUI, the indecisive bounty hunter XARTT(H)AN VISZLA takes a break from pining over his IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND to…

SOMETHING. I can’t lie and pretend these are exciting any more. Instead you get the SAME RP BIO just with a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT SKIN and a few MINOR TWEAKS. And added to that you get a bunch of REALY SLEEZY PORNO SETUPS that sound like they were written by GIGGLING SCHOOLBOYS who were SNEAKING SMOKES behind the DUNNY at RECESS.

So have the FINAL INSULT that is DARTH HYPNUS and enjoy watching any SHREDS OF DECENCY go OUT THE WINDOW.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 283 - Angels of Fury, part 2

Episode 283: Angels of Fury, part 2

Child genius becomes disillusioned with the world. Doomsday weapons can be the only logical next step

Warning: Contains descriptions of child abuse

Nothing says ‘Superhero Role-Play Happy Fun Times’ more than a big ol’ content warning like that at the front, does it? And with that, you know it’s more of the Angels of Fury, a superhero group not at all defined by the creepy fetishes of their creators, no siree bob. Still, in there we do have some ‘unique’ origin stories as the girl who got powers from performing black magic rituals with the Large Hadron Collider, the failed archeologist with the power to turn pink, the hobo squatter enchantress, the alien with the power to make gay robots horny, the invisible French girl (from England) and Generic Odious Child Genius. (Sadly there’s no Kung Fu Wizard, but that won’t stop us from forcing the gag anyway). So sit back, sacrifice small animals to elder gods, build doomsday devices out of household goods and pretend to enjoy the show!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Damien Hawker, Kari Montero and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: KayEmm and Rick R.

Episode 282 - Angels of Fury, part 1

Episode 282: Angels of Fury, part 1

Well there was a weighty and improbable origin story for you

From out of nowhere, a guest riffer appears bringing with them the gift of terrible role-play biographies! And what could be better than the quality origin stories of the Angels of Fury, an all-female group from Champions Online that is not made up entirely of men pretending to be women on the internets at all? Well, most things, really, but that won’t stop us anyway! Instead, we get to enjoy the fantastic origin stories of Doctor Dragon Kung Fu Cop Girl, Generic Robot Girl (with many backpacks), Time Travelling Space Girl (who can’t use punctuation properly), Creepy Japanese Schoolgirl and Idiot Daughter Who’s Married to Carol Danvers on the Astral Plane, um, Girl as they form a staggeringly inept group that stand for truth, justice and ERPing in Penthouse Hideouts. It’s so exciting, you’ll want to measure your estrogen levels!

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Damien Hawker, Kari Montero and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: KayEmm and Rick R.

Episode 281 - Darth Hypnus - The Battle for Red Twilight and the Battle for Skyger Station

Episode 281: Darth Hypnus - The Battle for Red Twilight and the Battle for Skyger Station

It’s at about this point that Hypnus should begin to realize that his plan has many, many flaws in it. Deep, fundamental flaws that any idiot would have spotted by now

Exiled by the Dark Council, DARTH HYPNUS and his pet Rancor, MISTER FLUFFY, have travelled to the outer rim of the Galaxy where they have begun construction of a new battleship, the IDIOT PLOT FRACTAL. I mean, it makes no sense for them to do such out in the middle of nowhere with no resources or personnel or infrastructure or the like, and the ship is under the command of a failure stuck in a dead end career and Hypnus is a reclusive loner, but work with us here.

Now under the command of ADMIRAL RED TWILIGHT CAPTAIN, this massive battleship could turn the tide in the war against the Republic should it ever be completed. For, as unbeknownst to Darth Hypnus as he pulls into SKYGER STATION to get some GUM, a few CANS OF ENERGY DRINK and some GIRLY MAGS FEATURING TWI’LEK CHICKS, the Republic has sent a fleet of ships to end this menace.

Please join this role play and TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. Please.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 280 - Darth Hypnus - The Battle of Onderon and the Seed of Vengance

Episode 280: Darth Hypnus - The Battle of Onderon and the Seed of Vengance

What kind of universe is it when you can't trust the twisted eldritch agents of unspeakable evil?

A long time ago on an RP forum far, far away, the malevolent poster DARTH HYPNUS unleashed a terrible scourge of bad character profiles upon an unsuspecting universe. However, the daring and worryingly obsessive Jedi master FINLEY was able to smuggle out these sinister documents in the hope that they could be used to defeat the malevolent Sith Lord.

Realising what had happened, the Dark Lord dispatched DARTH MALCION, master of the Dark Arts and enemy of Harry Potter for this book, the allegedly handsome and charismatic SILFAR KATTARN and the malignant and sinister DARTH UNCLE to the planet ONDERON (Not OBERON, no matter what it says) in pursuit.

Now their ship, the DESPERATE OVERCOMPENSATION approaches the unsuspecting planet…

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 264 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 5-6

Episode 264: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 5-6

Yes, all the long, hard hours of shouting silly phrases, reciting rhymes, obeying your self-appointed leader, showers, mental intrusions, magic dinners, magic TV, magic leftovers and toiling under the merciless glare of a talking cat have come down to this one singular moment: shouting another silly phrase.

The moment you’ve all waited for has arrived! Yes, it’s the epic finale of Dreamstar and the Court of Dreams, and what a show the fic has in store for you! Um, actually that’s a good question. They’ve been training their magical powers for so long, showing off their samey attacks in repetitive training sequences, that you’d think it was time to use them against their hated foe, right? No? Well, how about the secrets of their final forms and ultimate attacks? Excited? No, me neither. Because first they’ve got to flounce around the magic castle, have some magic breakfast and forget about someone important (hint: you will too). But once all that’s done, we can get onto the action, right?

Right?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 256 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapter 15

Episode 256: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapter 15

It's a sort of of inverse Turing test for the not terribly bright..

Well, it’s been a long and crazy journey to get here. Lots of violent over-reactions, lots of shallow characters defined mostly by their hair, lots of swords, lots of space lighting, lots of Steve being an arse and lots of mountains exploding. But now, here we are at the end of The Apocalyptic Battle, and it’s time for a satisfactory and rewarding conclusion to this epic that will have made it all worth it. Oh, who am I kidding? If you've got this far, you know it’s going to be bad. And so, much like its predecessor, the fic ends with a sudden derailment off into the wilderness with a conclusion that has nothing to do with anything and makes you feel just that extra bit dumber for thinking otherwise. So sit back, grab a watery Tomweiser, kill a Matt and enjoy the Toad Elevating Moment.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 255 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 3-4

Episode 247: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 3-4

Guest starring R. Lee Emery as Saphire the magical cat.

Alright you miserable maggots! Front and center, we've got a fic incoming! Now I know you pathetic excuses for reviewers have heard of Dreamstar and the Court of Dreams by now. You've been drilled on the dog and the shoes, and you've sat through dream after dream of whiny girls and their silly powers. But that's not all! We've got a castle now, and it's tricked out with all the magic doodads you could think of! Plus more characters who do nothing but provide transformation sequences! Most importantly, you've got the meanest, orneriest beast who ever whipped a bunch of worthless scrubs into a lethal fighting force! That's right ladies, it's Misspelt Saphire the magical critter, the hardest taskmaster you have ever seen! So get in there you dumb wretches, and pay attention! Because by the time we're done, you've got to answer me the biggest question of all: Why Tim?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 254 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 13-14

Episode 254: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 13-14

Hi folks, God here. Just wanted to say that this is one of those modern interpretative things and, as such, not strictly canon.

After blowing up the entire universe, you'd think that there couldn't be too much left to write fanfic about. However, because this is The Apocalyptic Battle, there is no escape and only more of the hurt as we see Tom cope with the after-effects of his battle to determine the fate of all creation. And by that, we mean that Tom drinks beer and cooks breakfast while verbally abusing his comrades who stood by him during this darkest of hours. However, it's not all fun and games as Tom also needs to deal with the troublesome issue of the woman he supposedly loves marrying somebody else. How will he resolve this dilemma? Violently, of course!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 253 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 11-12

Episode 253: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 11-12

So angry, his eyes regenerated and exploded again!

Tom Dyron, the Ultimate Angel of Something, has been defeated. Now the fate of all creation lies on the shoulders of it's greatest champion, Steven. Can he alone defeat Xeruel the angel of dark darkness where others have failed? Of course not. He gets punked out in half a chapter. And what did you expect, really? It's Steven. Falling down and being an arse is what he does. However, since there's still another seventy-three odd chapters to go, clearly we need someone else to grunt and thrust at Xeruel some more. Who will it be? The answer to this question, dear reader, won't shock you at all.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 249 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 9-10

Episode 249: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 9-10

Sending the disposable extras into battle against the unstoppable cosmic horror that already effortlessly defeated them? I see no way that this can go badly at all.

After only three dozen chapters of preamble, The Apocalyptic Battle finally gets down to its central message that it has been building to since day one: Explosions. For in this chapter, everything explodes. Be it buildings, mountains, Evangelions, Japan, the planet Delta X, Random Planet Q, Asuka or entire galaxies, everything in this explodes. In fact, about the only things that don’t are Tom and Xeruel who wail on each other for about a hundred pages or so without actually achieving a thing beyond padding the fic out some more. So watch as the fate of all creation hangs in the balance, Steven doesn’t contribute, Tom gets a new haircut and scale is completely forgotten in the latest chapter of this fanfic-like substance!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 247 - Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 1-2

Episode 247: Dreamstar and the Court Of Dreams: The Gathering of Dreams, chapters 1-2

Starring such illustrious characters as Pinky Pyro, Red Rocket, Gone Fission, Iron Manx and World's Toughest Mailman.

It's an ordinary day in Med city for an ordinary girl. Sure, Allegra Powers may be the inheritor of unlimited magical power with her own realm, mystic trainers, devoted friends and a twin sister, but she has problems too. Like the attack of the 300lb canine killing machine and the torrential wave of slobber left in its wake. Or the sheer indignation of wearing high heels to school. There's also something about her power being out of control and defending the earth, but that really seems secondary. When such bothersome matters do pop up, she's charged to find a team to share her magical power with. All she's got to do is inflict horrifying nightmares on her friends and endanger the lives of innocents (and possibly the fabric of space and time), but it's all in fun right?

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Episode 246 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 7-8

Episode 246: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 7-8

Steven used to work as a male stripper and going super Sayajin was a part of his act. It’s amazing what he could make glow yellow and stand on end.

Warning: Contains explicit sex

Let’s look at that above line and consider the implications of it. An explicit sex scene in a fic of the ‘quality’ of The Apocalyptic Battle, co-authored by the same creative genius that bought you Delta Invasion. If that doesn't fill you with terror, then you are a braver man than I. However, should you be brave enough to continue, dear reader, you would be treated to a delightful exploration of the character of Steven. Yes, Steven, a man who rewards the dedication shown by his wife/fiancée (Or something, the fic can’t decide) who stayed by his bedside for three weeks in the only way he can. That’s right, by immediately sleeping with another girl who he’s lusted after since before she was legal. As you can see, Steven, just like the rest of this chapter, is pure class.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 245 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 5-6

Episode 245: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 5-6

That’s the plot, folks. Only took us five chapters of grunting and knees to the groin to get there.

In many ways, The Apocalyptic Battle is like Delta Invasion. For example, it has Matts, which are kind of like Charleses only not in the slightest bit interesting. However, these latest two chapters add another couple of similar features: Nonsense theology and an Invador Alert. So while Tom converses with the agents of the almighty, Steven, Matt, some other Matt and this Asuka chick that nobody’s ever heard of fight against goofy monsters from beyond! Can NERV prevail over Xeruel, the Angel of Forcing The Plot Along? Will Steven be turned into Tang? Will Tom eat an apple? Is Los Angeles the best place for place? Will Misato manage to turn herself into a phoenix? And will I be able to think of any more random questions to pad out this promo any longer?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 243 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 3-4

Episode 243: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 3-4

As the audience, you inherently know who these characters are, without needing any introduction.

The Horrible secret of space continues! And what better way to signify the coming of the end times and the ultimate battle between good and evil for the fate of all creation then with a few quick knees to the groin? Much bumping and grinding and grunting ensues (But given the connection to Delta Invasion, that was probably inevitable) as the ultimate evil angel of ultimate evil fights off an army of poorly realised shallow guys based off a lengthy in-joke that nobody’s bothered to explain. Can the ultimate savior of all mankind – a dude named Ken – prevail over evil? Will everybody develop more nonsense superpowers? How many levels of Super-Sayajin can one guy have? Will the bus load of school kids (no, seriously) escape from their inevitable imperilment? And will the fic actually go anywhere or just keep repeating the same things over and over for a dozen pages? It’s like Girl on Fire only with less stew and more grunting!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.