Episode 471 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4

Episode 471: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4

PPS, the Roboskull is real, lives on the dark side of the moon and is coming for you

We join our hero, Harry Potter the boy wizard as he leads a covert strike against a group of revolutionaries aimed at breaking up an arms deal that ends with him achieving a double-digit bodycount. Now you might be staggered at that idea, but trust me, it’s far from the stupidest part of the fic. Instead, we're treated to the sheer magic (joke not intended) that its Lily Potter's insane paranoid manifesto which will no doubt end with the revelation that Dumbledore is a lizard person. So grab your name-band firearms, your hardened milspec laptop and your hall pass for the second half of Harry Potter the G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone. Also trust nobody, filter your water, and never leave home without your tinfoil hat.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 470 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2

Episode 470: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2

If this ends with G.I. Joe in court fighting for custody of Harry Potter, then this fic it will all be worth it

It’s rare that a fic gives you its entire premise in the title, but yet when you’ve got one called Harry Potter and G.I. Joe, you should probably know exactly what to expect. Even then, you’ll probably end up being surprised when Scarlett (heart-shaped face, high cheekbones, emerald green eyes, copper-red hair) decides that she’s going to move heaven and earth for a boy that she has only just met and who has spent all that time unconscious. So while everyone is shocked that two redheads exist in the world and the Dursleys suffer grisly deaths we’ll be describing characters’ clothes in stupidly elaborate detail for the first portion of Harry Potter and G.I. Joe. Features a bulldog and/or Dreadnok!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 464 - Millennium City Magic

Episode 464: Millennium City Magic

Which logically means that Lucius Malfoy is built on less character points than Talisman or Black Paladin

This fic gets off to a flying start when a bunch of nine-year-old kids are locked up in a fully-stocked police armoury for their own safety, and yet it only manages to get stupider from there. For one of those kids is Harry Potter and the armoury contains a ridiculously advanced suit of experimental armour with a huge arsenal at its disposal, which means that you know things are going to end well. Next thing you know, the Boy Who Lived is flying around, doing tutorial quests and throwing senior citizens across the room, but it’s all okay since his godfather will throw money at problems to make them go away. So get your Qualaar beacons and your speed chart for Millennium City Magic. Now with added Grond!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 442 - Death's Fixer, chapters 7-9

Episode 442: Death's Fixer, chapters 7-9

Judy has realised that her crappy childhood didn’t feature any dragon chases and she feels strangely robbed

As Death’s Fixer continues its relentless advance, we have to ask a big question. What is V actually doing for this fic? They’re not finishing story quests, they rarely fight bad guys and they’re at the stage where getting their clothes cleaned is a major plot point. And while Judy gets drunk, Panam complains about the parking and Takamura passes out in a back alley, the fic shifts its focus to other popular Cyberpunk 2077 characters, like Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley, Blaise Zabani, Cruckshanks and Dobby the House Elf. So shoot straight, conserve ammo and never do a deal with a dragon for another three chapters of Death’s Fixer. Yes, there is actually a dragon in there.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 441 - Death's Fixer, chapters 4-6

Episode 441: Death's Fixer, chapters 4-6

There is no trombone noise sad enough

Not just does this Cyberpunk 2077 fic have Harry Potter walking around in it, but it turns out that he’s not the only wizard in the world either. And so while Panam tries out an F-Bomb based magic system and we grapple with the implications that all the Aldecaldos are also wizards, we the reader need to ask ourselves a number of questions. Chief among them is why the author didn’t just write a Shadowrun fanfic instead, because that would make a lot more sense. So get your wand, steal some copper wire and finish some story quests for Death’s Fixer. Now featuring Bigfoot or possibly Neville Longbottom. It’s hard to tell.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 440 - Death's Fixer, chapters 1-3

Episode 440: Death's Fixer, chapters 1-3

V and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad heist

V has a lot on her plate right now. Not only does she have a dead terrorist in her head and is being slowly killed by a piece of malfunctioning advanced technology, but now she has to deal with an utter tosser who is claiming to be a wizard and taking over her story. Not that said wizard is being subtle with it or the like, given that he’s basically wandering around and shooting people with magic spells in broad daylight while screaming ‘I am a wizard’ at passing people and being insufferably smug about it in defiance of all the rules that magic people are supposed to follow or something. So grab your robot arm, T-Pose on a motorcycle and play a round of beer pong with Nibbles for Harry Potter and the Malfunctioning Biochip Death’s Fixer.

Bakkers!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 344 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

Episode 344: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

She believes in the beliefs that she believes in.

When an evil space villain calls you up to challenge you to a battle for control of the world, you know that you can trust them and believe every word that they say. I mean, it’s not like a bad guy who has kidnapped people, brainwashed them, forced them to fight against their will and threatened world peace would do anything bad or dishonest, right? But even in the off-chance that something does go wrong, you can always blow yourself up and ditch any hint of responsibility and yet be assured that everything will work out well. Yes, that’s the lessons learned from the more or less conclusion to Gundam Wing Crisis, in which Mister Bear’s army of badness fights the good guys for stuff and reasons. I got nothing beyond that, sorry.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 343 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

Episode 343: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

She wanted to be good of being better so that better good she could be at good better getting.

War looms, mass disappearances are causing panic, terrorists are delivering ultimatums, prominent politicians are being assassinated and evil villains are going out on incredibly awkward lunch dates. In response to this unprecedented crisis, the world’s most powerful peacekeeping force go to the circus to throw unsuspecting VIPs across the room and eat disgusting overpriced corn dogs. But this isn’t the only brilliant strategy employed by the Gundam Gang; it also extends to such amazing plans as “kill the bad guys” and “don’t die”. But yet, even in the face of this unconventional wisdom, the KioDawn Alliance (the only terrorist ideology based around a teddy bear) remains a threat. Why? We don’t know. But the fic insists they are anyway. It’s like that.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 342 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

Episode 342: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

So far we know more about the teddy bear than we do about our arch-villain.

In the face of kindappings, brainwashings, massive terrorist organisations, random attacks and tacky overpriced jewelry the Gundam Pilots elect to respond to this growing crisis by sitting around and doing nothing. Despite this rather questionable plan of (in)action, they are still successful in thwarting the efforts of the Kiyoshi-DawnChan Alliance, an evil organization named for a child’s toy. However, when terror strikes, our heroes respond in a decisive manner by going to a karaoke bar, playing video games and meeting minor diplomatic functionaries. However, despite this, the evil terror group will not rest until they have achieved their goal of making one teenage girl sad. That’s right, it’s all about the ideology here in Gundam Wing Crisis, so grab a teddy bear and a generic tragic flashback and enjoy the ride!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 341 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

Episode 341: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

We interrupt your lack of progress to report that there's a lack of progress.

When you’re an evil organization bent on doing evil things, kidnapping a powerful and highly influential political figure would seem to be a good plan. However, when you then brainwash them into acting like a spazzy kid and use them in a way that doesn’t even begin to utilize their aforementioned skills, then maybe, just maybe you have a problem. However, the Kioshi DawnChan Alliance has plenty of other problems to deal with, not the least of which is how dumb its name sounds. But they are not going to let that, an angry boyfriend, a support group or overpriced tacky jewelry keep them from their poorly defined goals of doing bad stuff. So grab your Mobile Suit and get ready for some really intense Hide and Seek in the first portion of Gundam Wing Crisis. It’s got beefy bits!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.