Episode 299 - Chaos Lives and Zoids: Chapter Two, chapters 16-18

Episode 299: Chaos Lives and Zoids: Chapter Two, chapters 16-18

Kevin had been up all night, furiously polishing his dinosaur.

Legends tell of a mighty Zoid warrior, one who effortlessly crushed all contenders who rose to face them. A warrior who showed not the merest hint of concern for anything beyond their Zoid, not even to the very people who propped them up along every step of the way. A warrior who was a hero simply because the fic told you they were, rather then the raging sociopath that they obviously were. That Zoid Warrior was Kevin. Wait, what? You thought I meant Ami “Firecat” Nyan-Nyan-arama, didn’t you? Well the truth is that the description could apply to both of them, really. And just to prove that, we not only have the last chunk of Zoids Chapter Two, but also the final Kevin Fic ever! So decapitate your team-mates, argue over construction schedules, ignore the massive invasion that just tried to kill everyone you know and hold dear and congratulate yourself over being the best gosh darned whatever the hell it is that you are as not one but two fics come to an end. You’ll be amazed at how much alike they really are!

Hundreds died, by the way.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 248 - The Assassin

Episode 248: The Assassin

Yes, Kev, your life is one big bleak void of pain and suffering. Now go get in your plastic robot dinosaur and effortlessly beat the entire world.

One of the golden rules of being an assassin is to not get caught. And one of the best ways to avoid getting caught is to not draw attention to yourself. So you shouldn't do things like have an incredibly distinctive mode of transport, plan getaways that will alert everyone to your presence, wander around with a near-extinct and attention-grabbing animal companion, have breakfast where your target's daughter can see you or make up a cover story that only serves to make you look even more guilty. In short, don't do a thing that the so-called world's greatest assassin in this fic does. Of course, since it's Big Kev, you probably shouldn't do a thing that he does anyway. I know I wouldn't.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 235 - The Legacy

Episode 235: The Legacy

If the chase scenes in Consider Phlebeas or the hospital hallway battle in Hard Boiled or even the final battle between Superman and Doomsday had stopped for people to list all the plastic toys involved, they would have been so much better for it.

What could be worse then Badfic? How about Badfic of a Badfic? If that thought doesn’t scare you off, then you might just be ready for The Legacy, a fanfic based on the ‘fantastic’ Dark Spiner series. (If it does scare you off, you might as well stop reading now. Trust me, it gets worse). Set an indeterminate and oft-fluctuating time period after the last fic, this one doesn't so much genre shift as it genre lurches drunkenly across the street and falls down in a puddle of its own vomit. What starts as a simple sports story turns into a grim and gritty war drama as armies of Plastic Robot Dinosaurs clash against each other in an epic struggle between two poorly defined powers! New characters are introduced and swiftly forgotten as the day is saved by a random nameless person! Bad guys make ineffectual plans that come to nothing! Siege gets a new origin that doesn't involve dinosaur poop! And some other stuff! I think!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 225 - Old Conflicts Renewed, chapters 11-20

Episode 225: Old Conflicts Renewed, chapters 11-20

Four score and seven years ago, our robot dinosaur fathers bought forth on this franchise a toyline conceived in the marketing department and founded on the proposition that all plastic is moulded equal.

The Empire’s campaign of mild inconvenience continues, and it is up to Kevin to stop them!  Armed with nothing but whatever powers he has contrived for himself today, his ambulatory pile of robot dinosaur poo and his ability to effortlessly crush anyone who faces him, can Big Kev save the day? Of course he can. Don’t be silly. Not a single hint of suspense will be given as the war lurches to its shambolic conclusion in a long list of different types of plastic toys. So join all your favourite characters; Big Kev, Siege, Isaac Cloud, Zephyr, General Drack, Mick, Tom, John, Charles and Charles, Our Hero Raven, Captain Gruud, Lancetaka Solyaku Foo Foo Cuddlypoops Askakura the third, Mike the Human and Bob Anglerfish for this gripping tale of something or another that the whole family will likely forget all about.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 224 - Old Conflicts Renewed, chapters 1-10

Episode 224: Old Conflicts Renewed, chapters 1-10

It seems that the Empire is less an invading army and more of a force that occasionally comes around to annoy them.

Revolution! War! Governments fall! Armies invade! In a time of crisis such as this, the world cries out for a hero, a man who will step forward and save the say. And that man is… Kevin! That’s right, it’s the return of Big Kev. Armed with a clumsily executed genre shift (because “sports drama” and “war” work so well together), our so called hero and his sidekick, a pile of robot dinosaur poop (no, really) set out to fight the forces of mild inconvenience by listing off what toys he owns and how they’re arranged! Written without a hint of research as to what a military is actually like, this is less war the only way it can be told and more a schoolyard brawl over who took who’s juicebox.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 209 - The Dark Spiner

Episode 209: The Dark Spiner

Because letting a total stranger just walk into the team after he beat the rest of you up for no real reason is such a good idea

Know, oh prince, that in the years between the fall of the New American Release, and the rise of the Kotobukiya HMM Zoids, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining franchises lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars… Hither came Kevin, the Dark Spiner, brown-haired, sullen-eyed, Zoid at hand, a godboy, a self-insert, an egotistical power-trip, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the canon under his plastic dinosaur feet.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Rick R's "bottom six" best worst fics

I’ve read a lot of badfic. Gord alone knows how much, but… lots. But even amongst all that crap, there’s a few that stick out and have strange soft spots in my heart. So here are my top (or bottom) “best worst” fics. All of them are available at the Elmer Studios Archive for your “pleasure”.

(dis)Honourable Mention: The Dark Spiner

Had Elmer Studios still been in the MSTing business c2003, then this one would have been in the lineup. It’s your basic idiotic, horribly over-powered, centre of the universe Gary Stu (Who shares their name with the author, no less!) in a loopy, incoherent fic that isn’t so much read as it’s shouted at you by your monitor. Added to that, it somehow became the sort of fanon that gets mistaken for canon by idiots, which only increases the suck.

(dis)Honourable Mention: Robotech Sentinels Rubicon

Sentinels Rubicon isn’t a fanfic, but rather it’s a professionally published comic. Yet, it manages to reach levels of stupid and crap that makes some of the worst fanfic you’ve ever read seem professional by comparison. It manages to be bad on every level; bad art, bad writing, bad chracterisation, bad plot, bad inking, bad toning, bad lettering and even bad staples. And then when you go behind the scenes and realize the sheer levels of BS that went into the creation of the comic, it gets even worse.

On the other hand, it gave me the White Light Of EEEEE, so I can’t fully hate it.

Old Conflicts Renewed

Bonus Continuity Theater: Old Conflicts Renewed

At least I have a life outside this fic. You were created to be spanked.


What’s like an Elmer Studios MSTing, but isn’t? How about a MSTing by the former Elmer Studios crew in the style of Elmer Studios using many of the running gags from Elmer Studios in the format for Elmer Studios. Something like that?

Written for a now-defunct Zoids fanfic bitching community c2005, Old Conflicts Renewed was an MSTing of an infamously bad Zoid fic (Well, infamously bad within that Fandom, for what it's worth) that had managed to somehow become fanon within the fandom – specifically, the vile sort of fanon that is mistaken for canon by idiots and, as such, leads to a generation of self-replicating errors within subsequent generations of badfics. Yeah, that sort. That it’s about an unbearable god-boy who walks all over the canon cast while demonstrating no knowledge of grammar, structure, punctuation, dialogue, spelling, descriptive prose or, even, the English language makes it just that much more awful. Sound familiar?

I will admit straight up that the MSTing is rather in-jokey, not only to the Zoids fandom but, specifically, the community for which it was written. However, at the same time, there’s still plenty of good stuff to be had here. And, if you look very carefully (well, not really), you’ll find an old reference or two. Or seventy.

Riffers: Sandra Blackmore (Not the one you're thinking of), Tasch Storemer, Christina McCade, Tara Squamanta
Written by: Zogster and Rick R; guest riffs by Koobine