Episode 477 - The Normandy's Nomads

Episode 477: The Normandy's Nomads

The Times Square Naked Cowboy wore it better.

Meet V. He’s a blood-soaked murder machine who’s horny as all get out and dumb as a bag of rocks. Meet Shepard. She’s horny as all get out and dumb as a bag of rocks, with the blood-soaked murder machine being assumed. Together they both kind of sort of exist in this fic which consists of setting things up without the pair of them ever meeting or even being aware of each other’s existence. But what it’s really about is listing people’s inventories, because that remains a key part of our fic experience. So grab your trillion-dollar bank transfer and your blatant McGuffin for The Normandy’s Nomads. It’s short, but oh so very stupid.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 463 - After Cybertron, chapters 5-7

Episode 463: After Cybertron, chapters 5-7

He qualified for being a Spectre by running through a maze, ringing a bell and getting a piece of cheese

Now that Optimus Prime has had his regular round of dying and coming back to life, we can get back to what this fic is really about; that’s right, introducing characters. But this part of After Cybertron gives us an extra special treat! Not just do we have more random pointless Transformers in random pointless side-plots, but we also get to meet the author’s totally amazing, incredibly original OC complete with getting his tragic backstory dumped on us in the most awkward way possible. So get your cyberarm and your useless alt-mode for the last portion of After Cybertron! Also Shepard is in this, but you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 462 - After Cybertron, chapters 3-4

Episode 462: After Cybertron, chapters 3-4

Hunting helicopter gunships, much like the Tyrannosaurus did millions of years ago

Saren and Sovereign have launched their assault on the Citadel, aiming to summon the Reapers and wipe out all life in the galaxy! Shepard is faced with an impossible decision in the battle to save all life. Except then a bunch of Transformers come along and effortlessly stomp everything while she stands around and goes ‘yay’ or something while draining every last hint of tension from the story. And so as the ominous guy says ominous things and the Transformers conceal themselves by going on giant robot rampage through the middle of the city you can enjoy some more chunks of After Cybertron. Eye-searing 90s colour schemes not included.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 461 - After Cybertron, chapters 1-2

Episode 461: After Cybertron, chapters 1-2

Oh hey. Massive hole in space-time. Didn’t see that coming.

The race is on to save the Galaxy, which means that Commander Shepard needs to drop everything she’s doing and sit through a lengthy PowerPoint presentation. Yes, that’s the basic premise of our newest fic in which the only force capable of rescuing civilisation from an army of killer space robots is another army of killer space robots, but only after they deliver a helping heap of pace-stumping exposition that nobody actually needed to know and that the readers were likely familiar with anyway. So throw a couch out the window and get your OC love interest for the first portion of After Cybertron. And remember, you had to ask.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 457 - Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 7-8

Episode 457: Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 7-8

Scene of Batman punching rats omitted for time

In this chunk of fanfiction-like object, Batman takes a break from saving the Galaxy from a poorly defined threat to brush his teeth, cook dinner, play minigames and collect trophies. Yes, it’s side quests galore as our story grinds to a halt, punctuated only by long, drawn-out fight scenes and, as a change, a flashback to another long drawn-out fight scene and then the promise of some more long, drawn-out fight scenes to come. So get your collectables, your rat funnels and your dead robot for the final portion of Batman the Future Knight. Oh, and there might also be some person called Shepard or something. I dunno. They’re probably not important.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 456 - Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 5-6

Episode 456: Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 5-6

Whenever I see a fuel pump and a robot, I immediately think ‘voice synthesizer.’ It’s just common sense.

We’ve seen a lot of stupid things in these fics so far, but this one takes the cake. For not only does this chunk of Batman: the Future Knight have a boss fight complete with game mechanics, but it also has the boss’ health bar in the text which diminishes with each attack Batman makes, and keeps this going for a not insubstantial amount of text. But it’s not just all fighting bad guys, as in this chapter, Batman cooks dinner, watches funny cat videos and attends an office meeting where he awards the employee of the month!* So head on down to the local dung-filled peasant village and beat up a supermarket full of raiders for the next chunk of Batman: the Future Knight. Now with noodles!

*This actually happens.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 455 - Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 1-4

Episode 455: Batman: the Future Knight, chapters 1-4

I’m just saying that if we cut to Garrus chopping wood outside his cabin and talking about being pulled back in for one more job, this fic will be totally worth it

After a long career of beating up goons in Gotham City, Batman is frozen in ice. Waking up a century and a half later in a strange new world, he immediately goes back to beating up goons, and proceeds to do such for the rest of the fic. Fortunately for him there is a massive interstellar corporation sitting around waiting just in case something like this happens so they can throw piles of new gear at him to better enable the aforesaid goon beatdowns. So get your Rec and your electric smoke bombs for Batman: the Future Knight. It’s so good you’ll want to hide out in your secret bunker underneath your other secret bunker!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.