Episode 351 - Gates of Oblivion

Episode 351: Gates of Oblivion

Asuka insisted they swing by to mock Hiditio, and frankly, who can blame them?

What would you get if you took all the Tom Dyron out of DELTA Invasion? The answer would be this fic, the final part of the Dyron Cycle. Having decided that DELTA no longer fit his “vision” for Evangelion, the author pulled it and replaced it with this reinterpretation that features ninety percent more literacy but otherwise is exactly the same. Okay, that’s not entirely true. True, it does have an odious new character (not the one you’re thinking of), an Invador Alert and a nonsensical fight scene. But it does lack a lot of the other classic Dyronesque elements such as dead Matts, Italian restaurant menus, dripping homoeroticism and any hint of entertainment. What does that leave us with? Read on and be surprised, dear reader as the last chapter of the Dyron legacy unfolds… and then crashes and burns on the first lap.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 308 - AYNGEL Project, chapters 5-7

Episode 308: AYNGEL Project, chapters 5-7

It's like if the Three Stooges were all violent steroid junkies.

If you’ve made it this far, then you’re probably wondering what the titular AYNGEL Project actually is. You’re pretty sure it’s got nothing to do with insulting Hideoto, getting drunk, claiming to be gansta by driving a soccer mom SUV, naked wrestling, that one scene from When Harry Met Sally, badly-written sex or how much weed Tom smokes each day. Sure, there’s some digressions to talk about Hideoto’s wee-wee (again) and to reveal that Steve is even more of a creep then you thought (Shocking, I know) but once that’s out of the way, we actually engage the simulacrum of a plot and forge ahead to reveal the shocking truth of what’s going on and how it will reshape their tiny little fictive world. So read an in-flight magazine, bounce off a rubber footpath and send a Salami to your boy in the army for the next chunk of fiction that is AYNGEL Project. It’s a thing, unless it’s not!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 305 - AYNGEL Project, chapters 3-4

Episode 305: AYNGEL Project, chapters 3-4

His wife had wanted him to take up gardening but oh no, he had to go and build an omnipotent evil conspiracy bent on reshaping all mankind.

Warning: Contains explicit sex

Because AYNGEL Project hadn’t found enough ways to offend you yet, here’s some more quality material from our alleged heroes, Tom and Steve. Fresh from a round of blowing up Angels and destroying secretive conspiracies, the pair of them take time out to get drunk, get stoned, verbally abuse their best friend and generally be even more unlikeable then you’d think possible. But the real focus of these two slabs of text that call themselves chapters is Hiditio and ensuring that he is humiliated and degraded in every way possible to a point that you’ll be glad when he gets killed off in a car park. Throw in some badly written sex, almost silly violence, random drug testing and a genuinely creepy attempt to depict a romantic relationship and you have the latest part in this self-indulgent chat-room derived oddesey!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 302 - AYNGEL Project, chapters 1-2

Episode 302: AYNGEL Project, chapters 1-2

Enemies are attacking the city. Time for me to have a shower, a full breakfast and then go for my morning jog.

What is the AYNGEL Project? We’re not sure, but we’d wager it has nothing to do with binge drinking, Nine Inch Nail Nails songs, Super-Sayajins, Ranma cameos, nonspecific numbers of suddenly appearing soldiers, shades of lavender, disproportionally interesting grey-haired girls or St. Puppy’s Hospital for Adorable Orphans. What we do know is that it’s connected to Tom Effing Dyron and the incomprehensible cosmic horror known as Steven. That’s right, it’s another in-joke laden RP-derived mess from the genius authors of Delta Invasion and The Apocalyptic Battle, dedicated to showing how our two protagonists are actually horrible human beings. You’ll laugh (probably not) cry (definitely) and want to bury giant robots in the sand as our two alleged heroes insult each other, engage in naked wrestling, mock entirely reasonable authority and kill hundreds of innocents all in the name of good fun. Guaranteed 100% Matt-free!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Fanfic Retrospective - The Apocalyptic Battle

When we first began the Rebuild of Delta Invasion, there was one big obstacle that nearly sunk the project at launch, being the lack of any "raw" copies of Delta Invasion itself. As near as could be determined, the archived copies of our original MSTings were the only source of the fic remaining, the author having disowned the fic over a decade ago. The result was that, while they were adequate for the task at hand, there was always the chance of old errors creeping in, or confusion over what was fic versus riff.

In order to counter this, we went to work on finding a source for the originals. And, while this quest was successful, it also yielded an unexpected development. Previously, we had assumed that Delta Invasion represented one end of Tom Dyron's career, and that Gates of Oblivion was the other. We had no idea that anything lay between the two.

Instead, what we found changed everything.

Episode 256 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapter 15

Episode 256: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapter 15

It's a sort of of inverse Turing test for the not terribly bright..

Well, it’s been a long and crazy journey to get here. Lots of violent over-reactions, lots of shallow characters defined mostly by their hair, lots of swords, lots of space lighting, lots of Steve being an arse and lots of mountains exploding. But now, here we are at the end of The Apocalyptic Battle, and it’s time for a satisfactory and rewarding conclusion to this epic that will have made it all worth it. Oh, who am I kidding? If you've got this far, you know it’s going to be bad. And so, much like its predecessor, the fic ends with a sudden derailment off into the wilderness with a conclusion that has nothing to do with anything and makes you feel just that extra bit dumber for thinking otherwise. So sit back, grab a watery Tomweiser, kill a Matt and enjoy the Toad Elevating Moment.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 254 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 13-14

Episode 254: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 13-14

Hi folks, God here. Just wanted to say that this is one of those modern interpretative things and, as such, not strictly canon.

After blowing up the entire universe, you'd think that there couldn't be too much left to write fanfic about. However, because this is The Apocalyptic Battle, there is no escape and only more of the hurt as we see Tom cope with the after-effects of his battle to determine the fate of all creation. And by that, we mean that Tom drinks beer and cooks breakfast while verbally abusing his comrades who stood by him during this darkest of hours. However, it's not all fun and games as Tom also needs to deal with the troublesome issue of the woman he supposedly loves marrying somebody else. How will he resolve this dilemma? Violently, of course!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 253 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 11-12

Episode 253: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 11-12

So angry, his eyes regenerated and exploded again!

Tom Dyron, the Ultimate Angel of Something, has been defeated. Now the fate of all creation lies on the shoulders of it's greatest champion, Steven. Can he alone defeat Xeruel the angel of dark darkness where others have failed? Of course not. He gets punked out in half a chapter. And what did you expect, really? It's Steven. Falling down and being an arse is what he does. However, since there's still another seventy-three odd chapters to go, clearly we need someone else to grunt and thrust at Xeruel some more. Who will it be? The answer to this question, dear reader, won't shock you at all.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 249 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 9-10

Episode 249: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 9-10

Sending the disposable extras into battle against the unstoppable cosmic horror that already effortlessly defeated them? I see no way that this can go badly at all.

After only three dozen chapters of preamble, The Apocalyptic Battle finally gets down to its central message that it has been building to since day one: Explosions. For in this chapter, everything explodes. Be it buildings, mountains, Evangelions, Japan, the planet Delta X, Random Planet Q, Asuka or entire galaxies, everything in this explodes. In fact, about the only things that don’t are Tom and Xeruel who wail on each other for about a hundred pages or so without actually achieving a thing beyond padding the fic out some more. So watch as the fate of all creation hangs in the balance, Steven doesn’t contribute, Tom gets a new haircut and scale is completely forgotten in the latest chapter of this fanfic-like substance!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 246 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 7-8

Episode 246: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 7-8

Steven used to work as a male stripper and going super Sayajin was a part of his act. It’s amazing what he could make glow yellow and stand on end.

Warning: Contains explicit sex

Let’s look at that above line and consider the implications of it. An explicit sex scene in a fic of the ‘quality’ of The Apocalyptic Battle, co-authored by the same creative genius that bought you Delta Invasion. If that doesn't fill you with terror, then you are a braver man than I. However, should you be brave enough to continue, dear reader, you would be treated to a delightful exploration of the character of Steven. Yes, Steven, a man who rewards the dedication shown by his wife/fiancée (Or something, the fic can’t decide) who stayed by his bedside for three weeks in the only way he can. That’s right, by immediately sleeping with another girl who he’s lusted after since before she was legal. As you can see, Steven, just like the rest of this chapter, is pure class.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 245 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 5-6

Episode 245: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 5-6

That’s the plot, folks. Only took us five chapters of grunting and knees to the groin to get there.

In many ways, The Apocalyptic Battle is like Delta Invasion. For example, it has Matts, which are kind of like Charleses only not in the slightest bit interesting. However, these latest two chapters add another couple of similar features: Nonsense theology and an Invador Alert. So while Tom converses with the agents of the almighty, Steven, Matt, some other Matt and this Asuka chick that nobody’s ever heard of fight against goofy monsters from beyond! Can NERV prevail over Xeruel, the Angel of Forcing The Plot Along? Will Steven be turned into Tang? Will Tom eat an apple? Is Los Angeles the best place for place? Will Misato manage to turn herself into a phoenix? And will I be able to think of any more random questions to pad out this promo any longer?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 243 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 3-4

Episode 243: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 3-4

As the audience, you inherently know who these characters are, without needing any introduction.

The Horrible secret of space continues! And what better way to signify the coming of the end times and the ultimate battle between good and evil for the fate of all creation then with a few quick knees to the groin? Much bumping and grinding and grunting ensues (But given the connection to Delta Invasion, that was probably inevitable) as the ultimate evil angel of ultimate evil fights off an army of poorly realised shallow guys based off a lengthy in-joke that nobody’s bothered to explain. Can the ultimate savior of all mankind – a dude named Ken – prevail over evil? Will everybody develop more nonsense superpowers? How many levels of Super-Sayajin can one guy have? Will the bus load of school kids (no, seriously) escape from their inevitable imperilment? And will the fic actually go anywhere or just keep repeating the same things over and over for a dozen pages? It’s like Girl on Fire only with less stew and more grunting!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 242 - The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 1-2

Episode 242: The Apocalyptic Battle, chapters 1-2

Two guys meet in a carpark to fight with swords. I demand an accompanying wrestling match and a Queen soundtrack.

No good can come of a fanfic based on internet RP. And when one of the participants in said RP is Tom Dyron, then you know that it’s going to be bad. But this time, Tom’s not alone! Joined by his friends Steven, Matt-Ak, that guy, the guy with the stupid hair and not John Barren, they stand together as a sort of “angry teenage hormones” version of the Superfriends. And what does this combined army of might do with their incredibul chi powerz, you may wonder? If your answer is ‘go to the mall, buy dresses and threaten shopkeepers with firearms’, then you’re getting pretty close to the obvious subject matter of a fic-thing called The Apocalyptic Battle! That’s right, it’s Evangelion fanfic in the same way that Dragonball GT is Journey to the West!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Fanfic Retrospective - Delta Invasion

Delta Invasion? What more can be said. Well quite a lot, actually.

Of all the old Elmer Studios MSTings, Delta is probably the best known and most popular of them. Something of a meme within the MSTing and Evangelion communities in its day, largely because of its ‘fantastic’ content and writing style. Even then long after the demise of Elmer Studios (and the MSting community at large), it would still have its followers. This reputation was not undeserved, as I hope to discuss.

Before I go any further, however, I’d like to thank Douglass Weeks. Back in 1998 or so, he originally ‘dibsed’ Delta Invasion, but he passed it off to us, feeling that we’d be better suited to handling it. Thanks Douglass!

Episode 223 - Rebuild of DELTA, part thirteen

Episode 223: Rebuild of DELTA, part thirteen

The last chapter of Delta Invasion is going to be nothing but weddings and babies and babies and weddings and four hundred babies

It's hard to know what to expect from the end of Delta Invasion. Between goofy monster battles, destroying an omnipotent conspiracy, Italian restaurant menus, martial arts tournaments, going into space, being special, blowing up a planet and Charles (Not Charles anything, just Charles), the series has constantly thrilled and delighted (not to mention terrified) us with its whacky and unpredictable nature. And after that, how could the last part be any different? What would be an appropriate finish to send off the sheer screaming insanity of the Delta we know and love? I can say now that it's certainly not this!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 220 - Rebuild of DELTA, part twelve

Episode 220: Rebuild of DELTA, part twelve

Destroy the Angel of Death for everlasting peace!

After all the Invadors, all the beer-drinking, all the pro-wrestling, all the toad elevating, all the buying computer games by long-defunct companies, all the repetition, all the exposition, all the synch tests, all the talking about how special John is, all the filler, all the recording of albums, all the attacks by vengeful schoolmates, all the random duplication of Charles, all the forced dialogue, all the sudden scene changes, all the ordering from restaurant menus, all the nonsense backstory, all the inadvertent homoerotic undertones, all the self-congratulation, all the pointless fights and all the beating up on ex-girlfriends comes... the fight scene.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 219 - Rebuild of DELTA, part eleven

Episode 219: Rebuild of DELTA, part eleven

I blew up a planet and wiped out an entire sentient species. Given the choice, I would gladly and happily do it again.

So this is it. The chapter we've been dreading since the word go, and with good reason. There's no drinking beer, synch tests or bonking Asuka. This time it's serious business, and there is no business more serious then block exposition. That's right; massive slabs of text one after another, each one more incoherent and nonsensical than the last. Watch as Evangelion is re-written with absolutely no regard to its original content, themes, concepts or anything else in a way that not only contradicts the source material but often contradicts what the fic wrote a page earlier! In the end, you'll be begging for it to stop, but then the record deal comes along and you'll be begging for it to start again!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 217 - Rebuild of DELTA, part ten

Episode 217: Rebuild of DELTA, part ten

Watch Charles destroy an entire army with a single shot.

With the destruction of planet DELTA, you’d think that there wouldn’t be much left for Delta Invasion to blow up. However, as always the series continues to surprise us by not only having yet another Invador Attack, but going even further! After years of sitting back and doing nothing while Gendo screws up all their plans, SEELE decides to finally take a pro-active response which, in this case, amounts to closing the gate after the horse has bolted, run off cross-country, joined a heard of wild horses and started grazing on federal land. However, they failed to account for the most terrifying weapon in NERV’s arsenal: A lone computer programmer on a holiday. All this plus pro-wrestling!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 214 - Rebuild of DELTA, part nine

Episode 214: Rebuild of DELTA, part nine

Considering that NERV seems to consist of four staff, four pilots, two rooms and no weapons, an eight-man ship makes perfect sense.

The pilot's barking mad and the emergency systems are fitted rectally, but what's there to worry about? So what if the ship's completely untested and we're all untrained? And so what if our pilot doesn't know what he's doing or our flight path takes us through the sun? So what if the fate of all humanity is resting on this insane mission that has been organized and run with less oversight than your average school fete while heading to a previously unknown world, travelling out far further than any prior human experience? Tom made some cheap jokes about his arse, so it’s all fine.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 212 - Rebuild of DELTA, part eight

Episode 212: Rebuild of DELTA, part eight

Gendo really is a jerk. However, he’s a jerk on a much higher level than any other jerk you can think of. He’s operating on such a level of supreme jerkiness that it becomes existential.

If you love Delta Invasion, then you must like it's most important content: Filler. Every chapter is overflowing with it, but chapter eight goes one step further. While there's the usual suspects; Tom buys computer games, Ritsuko performs synch tests, NERV's staff reiterate things that we allready knew and everyone talks about how John is Special, this one provides something new and fresh for us. That's right, its an all-filler Invador fight! Thrill as the one battle is not only drawn-out ad infinitum, but also is repeated no less then five times for your reading pleasure(?). The appearance of a brand new never-mentioned-before and never-to-be-seen-again plot device is just an added bonus. Plus, the introduction of the most interesting character in all of Delta Invasion! Both of him!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.