Episode 495 - Guns and Roses, chapters 8-11

Episode 495: Guns and Roses, chapters 8-11

You're in the middle of a citywide gang war, but cake is what's important

In this exciting portion of Guns and Roses, Ambrose Leigh Rivera DeFizz sends out birthday invites and tries to appeal to the better nature of an obviously unstable vengeance-fuelled madman. She also has a dramatic confrontation with her ex, a moment that is completely undercut by our having no clue at all who he is nor having any real reason to care. On top of that the boss also has a confrontation with his ex that we don't know or care about either, so at least the fic is giving us the option which is nice, I guess. So it’s time to throw a party and threaten an innocent bystander with a gun for the final chunk of Guns and Roses. This is the improved version!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 494 - Guns and Roses, chapters 5-7

Episode 494: Guns and Roses, chapters 5-7

I can feel a good old ‘Suck it up, Princess’ coming on.

The Spectres have launched a devastating attack on the Saints and have taken control of half of Steelport. In response to this threat, the Boss continues to make kissy faces at Amber while she infodumps her entire life story and plays a pointless guessing game. That right, it's time for more of this, and the fic is not going to hold back in giving you more than you could have ever wanted of the world's two dumbest and horniest people staring blankly at each other while regurgitating text. I mean, there might be some other stuff going on, but none of it actually matters because it's not them. So get your RC possessor, your stupid prototype gun and chunky block exposition for the second part of Guns and Roses. It contains all you need to know about Venezuela!*

*It does not.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 493 - Guns and Roses, chapters 1-4

Episode 493: Guns and Roses, chapters 1-4

We kissed in a dark box with a vial of corrosive gas hooked up to a Geiger Counter, so I can’t tell if it happened or not.

It’s a lovely day in Steelport; the sun is shining, the sea is calm and a horde of attack helicopters and armed vehicles are converging on one point in downtown. Who are these mysterious attackers? Well to be honest it doesn’t matter one bit as they’re basically going to be effortlessly trashed as backstory to set up the fic’s romantic arc. That’s right, it’s the adventures of two incredibly dumb and incredibly horny people who’s immediate thoughts in the middle of a raging gunfight is ‘hey, they’re kinda hot.’ That’s all there is to this fic and we're only just getting started. So get your multi-organisation, your tacky tattoos and Jiffy the llama for Guns and Roses. This fic is re-edited!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 492 - Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 15-16

Episode 492: Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 15-16

Nah, my internship only covers me for one felony..

In this final part of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, we engage in a vital plot point. Which is to say that a side character gets into a fight with some gang or something that has literally nothing to do with anything at all, but we still waste twenty pages on it anyway. So join all your favourite Harry Potter and Ninja Turtles characters, like Blaise Zabani, Mondo Gecko, Alicia Spinnet, Ray Fillet, Zacharias Smith, Walkabout, Penelope Clearwater, Jagwar, Charity Burbage, Sandstorm, Gideon Prewitt and Fred Hamster for the last chunk of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Also Cornelius Fudge was an alien warlord all along. Who knew?

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Episode 491 - Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 12-14

Episode 491: Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 12-14

Padma Patil, the well-known daredevil unicycle ninja.

In this next chunk of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Stephen Cornfoot does some skateboard stunts, fights ninjas, goes on a Japanese game show, engages in heavy-handed narration and is generally rewarded for just existing. Yeah, move aside libertarian ninja Harry Potter, this fic's all about Stephen now, and we're clearly better off for it. There’s also something about a Philosophers Stone or some other stuff, but it's probably not important. So grab your sewer skateboard and your battery-operated sword for the next segment of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It contains everything you need to know about Cerberus (that you didn't already learn from late night monster movies)

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Baboons and Other Strangeness

Following through from episodes 489 and 490, here are the (more or less) full character sheets for our four sample characters - I.R. Ninja, Stinky Pete, Joanna Goanna and Quantum Toilet Duck. All are generated at first level and ready to play for your TMNT&OS game!

Episode 490 - Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 8-11

Episode 490: Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapters 8-11

Harry Potter? Played at Glastonbury in '98? Fell off the stage and hurt himself and ended up in a backstage fight with a chicken farmer? That Harry Potter?

In this next thrilling chunk of fanfic, Harry Parker (the boy who not died) gets on a train, has dinner and reads through his class timetable. And if you think that sounds thrilling, just consider that the most action-packed part of it is a retelling of a filler episode that the fic could have skipped without anyone noticing or, most likely, caring either. But what it's really about is everyone joining Ravenclaw because they're all so big on those traits that we all know Ravenclaw has and is so well regarded for. So join I.R. Ninja, Stinky Pete, Joanna Goanna and Quantum Toilet Duck for more of Harry Potter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You can read it in your free period after Thursday lunch.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.